Drunken Stupor
by C0nsTanTine
Summary: I drink to forget the war. To forget my friends that died. Sometimes it works. Most of the time it doesn't." -Naruto/Ino, some Naruto/Sakura- Naruto is one of the few survivors after the "Great Ninja War". 2 years after the war, this is his life.
1. Waking

**Waking**

**_Disclaimer – C0nstantine does not own Naruto. He still is the King of Halloween Town however._**

* * *

A morning is a beautiful thing to witness at the right moment.  
The sun, shining through dancing leaves of almost every shade of green and brown. The clouds float lazily by the sun, kissing it and leaving as fast as they arrive. Birds of every type and size chirping to each other in a language far too beautiful to understand.  
Being alive and witnessing these things is a feat to behold.

Eyes opened slowly, as blonde hair obscured blue irises. A man of twenty sat up and looked out at the land before him.  
He saw the majesty of life. . .  
And he threw up.

To Naruto Uzumaki, being sickened by life is nothing new.  
He should have died after all.  
His teammates did.

He finished wiping his mouth and leaned over, his head feeling several times too small. He reached over and picked up his favorite bottle of sake.  
100 proof.

He put it to his lips and looked out at the trees, the sun, the village.  
He tipped the bottle back.  
He closed his eyes.  
He closed his eyes on the travesty of life.

* * *

Sizzling grease, sliding across the black pan, the sausages pulling a new trail of juices behind them as they were pushed by a wooden spoon. Another pan holding two eggs, which crackled as they hit the pan. The wooden spoon pushed them together, like two lovers, and they mixed, becoming one mash of yellow and white.  
White looking at yellow.  
White irises looking into blonde hair. He was always handsome to her, but that hai-  
Smoke.

"The sausages!"

Almost as black as the pan itself, the once proud sausages were burnt on the bottom half of their bodies. The eggs, however, were perfect. She cut the sausages into pieces and melded them into an omelet.  
She covered it with pepper, salt and a small amount of hot sauce.  
Mask the flavor.  
Hide the burnt parts.  
This was a chef's greatest tool.  
Hide the mistakes with anything you can think of.  
Good thing they had plenty of alcohol.

* * *

Sitting up is a hassle when you're full of alcohol.  
But food was one of the few things he still got up for.

Naruto sighed and stretched, his arms swaying slightly. His muscles were smaller now, and he was skinnier; his old appetite never was the same after Ichiraku burned down. He did manage to change up his wardrobe, the orange he used to wear proudly forgotten for whites, grays and blacks.

Missions were exchanged for chopping wood, fixing various things around the house and drinking.

Catching fish, watching clouds, drinking.  
Sleeping, drinking, drinking.  
Drinking, drinking, drinking.  
Waking up, throwing up, eating, drinking.

Naruto shook his head and stood up, walking over to the kitchen, noting a table that needed a new leg and some plants that needed replacing. As he sat down, a plate carrying what seemed to be an omelet and rice was placed in front of him. He looked up at the smiling face he had seen for close to two years.

Hinata was still just as pale as the day he met her, but she had changed in other ways. Her hair was longer, she no longer blushed bright red when he talked to her (though he rarely did), and she had grown into a beautiful young woman among other things. She had been there from the moment they left Konoha, and she refused to leave his side since.

Hinata was the one that took him to Wave and she was the only reason he was still alive.

She loved it in Wave.  
The village had seen better days, but it had also seen worse. The villagers were happy and had good reason to be.

Kiri was protecting them, and they were neutral in the war.

Wave was still connected to the mainland by their 'Great Naruto Bridge', but the bridge was under heavy lock down and rigged with many exploding seals as a precaution. The houses were still very inviting, but some of the more nervous inhabitants decided on constructing fences and the like. The house Naruto and Hinata lived in was further away from the rest of the village but was next to the coast, which made it easy for Naruto to fish if food was running low.

Hinata sat down next to Naruto then started her daily list of "How are you feel today?" 's and "Is there anything you want to talk about?" 's.

"Hinata, as always, thank you for cooking breakfast today, but please. . .talking never really works out for us."  
". . .and why is that?" She said, sighing as she looked down at her food.  
"Because it doesn't get anywhere. I get angry or sad, you get sad or angry, one of us yells, I end up drinking any way it ends and you end up crying."

Naruto stopped eating and stood up, walking behind Hinata and wrapping his arms around her.

"I'm sorry. . .Its just. . .I'm sorry. I'll be fishing. As always. . .breakfast was good."

He might always end up leaving her alone, but as always, she loved when he held her. Even if it was only for a moment.

* * *

  
Black. That's all she could see. The great abyss of nothingness was right in front of her.  
Light.  
Hinata opened her eyes and everything was a different shade of blue or black with small areas of a pale, ghostly white. Passing out had started to become a habit of hers. With all of the working out and training gone from her life, the energy she used to have had faded as time passed. She sat up and looked around the house.

'I must have fell asleep on the couch' was her first thought.

"Naruto?" That was her second thought.

She stood up quickly and ran around the various areas of their house. It was devoid of life, save for her.

"Naruto?!" She closed her eyes and tried to remember where he had gone. Walking? No. Cutting wood? No, that was yesterday. Fishing? Fishing.

Hinata jogged out of the house and towards the edge of the ocean where Naruto was known to fish. He was swinging the fishing rod around, shouting curse words that only he could understand. He threw the fishing rod and pulled out a knife, continuing his onslaught of slashes and cuts into the air. Hinata ran over to him, yelling his name.

"Naruto!"  
"Leave me alone, you bastards!"  
"Naruto!" Hinata put her arm out to grab his, but he quickly pulled away and swung his knife, leaving a small trail of red on the top of her forearm.  
"Just stay back!"  
She winced but kept her arm out, Naruto visibly shaking. "Where are my friends?"  
"Naruto, it's Hinata."  
". . .Hinata, where is everyone?" He seemed to relax, his eyes glossed over.  
". . .Most of them are. . .are gone." She had seen him have flashbacks, but never this bad.

Naruto closed his eyes and fell into the sand, throwing his knife to the side and started to sniff.

"Where is everyone?" he whimpered.  
Hinata put her arms around his sides and held him close, Naruto weeping as he laid his head against her shoulder.

"What happened?"

* * *

**Been a while. Hope you like the new story. It'll help get rid of some of the writer's block for "The Art of Forgetting" plus I like it a lot.**

**By the way, this story was Beta-read and Co-authored by Reader-Of-Many.  
He kicks major ass.**

**Stick around loyal fans, we have a long ways to go.**

**- C0n**

"**_So baby please kill me  
Oh baby don't kill me  
But don't bring that ghost round to my door  
I don't wanna see him anymore_**

**_Please kill me  
Oh baby don't kill me  
Just don't bang on about yesterday  
I wouldn't know about that anyway" Death on the Stairs, The Libertines_**


	2. Interlude: My Requiem

**Interlude – My Requiem**

**_Disclaimer: C0nstantine doesn't own Naruto. He is the king of Halloween town._**

**_

* * *

  
_**

And here they all are, standing in a row, blank stares and empty smiles. There's no noise, but it's not uneasy. There's my history; It's in the memories of my friends. Without them to remember me, I have no history. If you can't remember someone, did they ever really exist to begin with?

Maybe I don't exist anymore, they're gone now. I'm gone now. And here we all are, aren't we?

The crowd grows into something spectacular, like a sea of bodies, all smiling. The illusion of joy brings with it the illusion of freedom. If they can see me, I know they can recognize me. I recognize them. All of them, all of their lives, told to me in bits or entirety. The one with the straight scar across his eye was a good friend of mine. He was always reading and lying to me. He wanted to make up for a mistake he had made as a young boy. He died a long time ago.  
He was stabbed in his sleep.

Another face I know looks at me. She was never too close of a friend, but she knew a lot of mine. I would have liked to know her better. She liked another friend of mine, but he never saw it. Maybe he did, but he was too busy trying to train or drink tea or some crap.  
He died somewhere over in Otogakure.  
The girl moved somewhere. I don't think she's dead yet. I hope not. I want to see her again one day.

Blue. The color stands out to me.  
My best friend wears that. He fights with me a lot. He never smiles, only smirks. His name is Sasuke and he's a jackass.

He's kinda like me. He's just there. . .here. . .wherever the hell we are. He is where he is.

I brought him back to Konoha after my training with Jiraya. It took a while, but I did it. We found a way to suppress the mark with seals so Orochimaru couldn't control him again. Sasuke's brother was killed shortly before I found him.  
Jiraya is dead too. Fight on the Konoha monument. He was stabbed twice in the chest.  
I try not to remember that.  
Itachi's death calmed him. I guess he realized he could live a life like a normal human-being now that Itachi was dead.

Sasuke and I moved into the same apartment when we had the money back in Konoha. We're like brothers. You can't have one without the other. I taught him the best ramen flavors to get at which stands, he taught me how to talk to an "elder" with "respect".  
I still don't get it.

Sasuke's old housing complex burned down during the war. He doesn't like to bring it up.

He went on missions that were really dangerous. He usually went by himself. One time he was gone for a while. He came back home though and everything was normal again. I missed arguing with him.

He lives someplace close by. I don't know where, I'm usually at my own place and he visits me.

I don't go out much on account of my. . .condition.

A laugh. Light, like a whisper, but as loud as a thunderclap.  
I smile.

Sakura-chan.

I love her. The way she looks in her red dress. How she looks at me with her soft green eyes, lips curling upward. Her beautiful pink hair that she finally grew out again.

Sakura and me started dating when I brought Sasuke back. I guess I was just lucky like that.

She was a medic-nin during the war and was on call almost every day. She liked to help.  
One day the hospital was blown up. Sakura didn't come home for a while. She cried a lot about that.

We broke up that day. I guess I was just lucky like that.

Sakura. . .she's-

* * *

**Chapter 2 is done.**

**Working on Chapter 3.  
Sorry for the wait, yet again life is a bastard.  
****Thank my beta/co-author (Reader-Of-Many) for helping me with this chapter.  
****Much love guys, and keep being awesome. (Espeically the reviewers, you are more important than anyone else.)**

**-C0n**

""_**La vida es un sueno."  
"Life is a dream."  
- Calderon**_


	3. History

****

History

_**Disclaimer: C0nstantine does not own Naruto. He is the king of Halloween town. Conversely, The-Reader-Of-Many is the king of Lazy town.**_

**_WARNING – This chapter is slightly graphic. If you don't like it, don't read it._**

* * *

I am on guard for the . . . fourth day in a row, I think. My replacement is in the hospital and his replacement died this morning.  
I get to sleep four hours a night before I'm given new orders and on guard duty again.  
Iruka brought me ramen today. I guess he's thankful I'm watching over the Academy. Kind of funny I'm guarding the one place I've tried to avoid most of my life.

I love beef ramen. Its warm and smooth but has the full body flavor to hide my hunger for a while.  
The steam hits my eyes, making me blink.  
Blink.  
Blink.  
Every little blink makes my eyelids droop more and more and-  
Slap.  
Stay awake, I need to stay awake.  
Stand up and stretch, swing a few punched and jump up and down.  
Up.  
Down.  
Up.  
Down.  
That's how things are with me and Sakura.

She visits me, we talk and I hold her.  
She cries, we talk, she leaves.  
I try to make her smile. Most of the time it works.

Then again, sometimes she'll have to heal a kid. Sometimes they're missing arms or legs or they have burns so bad she can't heal them without leaving some sort of scar. The scars stayed with her too.

But that was the life we have to make due with. As a ninja you have to see a lot of horrible things and most of the time you'll have to do horrible things. I try to forget most of the things I've done. All of the people I've had to. . .take care of.

As much as it sucks to think about this kind of stuff, at least it's keeping me from closing my eyes and seeing those parts of my life play in my mind. I hate thinking about my friends and how some of them aren't here anymore. Anytime I try and have a moment to think this war sneaks up and finds a way to screw my thoughts over. Maybe not getting to sleep much is a good thing.

I'll get home within two hours and make some food for Sakura. I know she'll have skipped her lunch break and by the time I'm back, she'll be back. At least things worked out for once today.  
Speaking of which, thank god.

Four nin headed for the school, probably the patrol. Maybe one of them is supposed to replace me on the watch. Never hurts to ask I guess.

"Hey!"  
They look at me. They run towards the school. This is when things go bad.  
Very bad.  
If only I noticed the explosive seals on their backpacks. The lead man looking around so nervously. If only I looked away.

It's like staring at the sun, but only for a moment. Light, as white as heaven must look, followed with the screams, burning embers and debris of hell.  
You close your eyes instinctively, and you think when you open them that everything will be fine. Maybe, just for a second, that everything looked worse than it really is.

Oh, how wrong one can be.

I run, for the first time in a long time.  
I pray, for the first time in my life.

A collapsed building and fire can hide a lot of bodies. It will consume and it will cover more bodies then you can really stomach. But it's the ones that you see that stick with you.

"Iruka?"

And that's when I black out.

* * *

**  
Sad chapter, I know, but hey, it has to be done.  
****Been working on the side-project to this story and buying new books to get more ideas.  
****As usual, thanks to my beta/editor/co-author The-Reader-Of-Many and much love to the readers/reviewers.  
****Expect a new chapter within two weeks or less. Possibly a trip to the hospital this week so I don't want to make any promises.  
****-C0n**

"_**There is no more cunning consolation than the thought that we have chosen our own misfortunes; that individual theology reveals a secret order, and in a marvelous way confuses ourselves with the deity." - Deutsches Requiem, Jorge Luis Borges**_


	4. Interlude: My Fall From Grace

**Interlude: My Fall From Grace**

**  
**_**Disclaimer: C0n is on Spring Break. He owns shorts, a mixture of rum and pineapple as well as sunglasses, but he doesn't own Naruto. R-o-M is working on it though.**_

* * *

Sleeping isn't quite the word for what it is... it's more like a feeling of extreme... absence. I can't focus and what I can see doesn't make much sense.  
Oranges, grays, splashes of red and blurs of green or black move around in every direction possible.  
I feel like I'm standing, but all sense of direction is gone, replaced with a feeling of being wherever this is and being alive. Kind of.  
I feel a distant pull and a pain every once in a while, but it fades as quickly as it comes (No surprises there; I was never hurt for too long).

I can feel hate and anger, but it's not mine. It's radiating from every side of wherever the hell I am and it smothers me, choking the breath out of me, yet I don't need to take in air.  
I try to talk, but nothing happens. My mouth doesn't open, my words don't come out and I feel complacent with whatever is happening.

Nothing has ever taken over my senses so completely before and I'm at a loss for what to do.

_Pay the ticket, take the ride._

Just need to let whatever is happening take it's course and maybe I can get a grasp on what I should do. Headaches and orange blurs smear my vision worse than before, and for a second I can make out...

S_creams?  
_**  
**I can hear muffled growling in the distance and I close my eyes.

_Look underneath the underneath._The anger isn't mine. The growling is familiar, but it isn't mine.  
The orange breathes in the blurs, waltzing to a tune all their own. Fire. The loud noises must be explosions.  
My vision becomes clearer, and I can see trees... burnt trees. Broken trees. Houses that were crushed to rubble or are missing parts of their walls.

I'm moving but without effort on my part.

"What was the last thing I did?"

Guard duty.  
Iruka.  
The school.

The rage builds up, mixed with sorrow and all my vision comes back. Fires are everywhere, and the smell of death is thick in the air.  
It makes me want to vomit.  
The hospital is gone, the school is gone, the Hokage's tower is almost completely demolished.  
I can feel my throat vibrate as a roar comes from my mouth. I didn't do that.

**You're right. I did.**

Up is down, left is right, nothing makes sense and I can feel the blur filling my sight again.

**Damn it kid. . .your going to pass out.**

I am going to pass out.

**No. . .no, it'll make us both. . .**

I am going to pass out.

**It's alright. . .I'll come back. Thanks kid. You gave me the moment I needed.**

Blurs fade to black.

This isn't sleeping. Nightmares can't be that real.

* * *

**The "Pay the ticket, take the ride" quote is from Hunter S. Thompsons' "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas".**

**Hope you guys and gals liked the new chapter. Yet again, college is the roadblock to writing, but the pathway to becoming an English Teacher. . .such fail I shall inflict upon my students.**

**More on the way.**  
**-C0n**

**"Dreams have a nasty habit of going bad when you're not looking." - Max Payne**


	5. Interlude: My Chat With God

**Interlude: My Chat With God**

_**Disclaimer: C0nstantine doesn't own Naruto. He pwns noobs. R-o-M doesn't own Naruto either, but he is the coolest editor known to mankind.**_

* * *

Angels wear white. Heaven is white. It smells a lot like ammonia. There's a steady beeping too. Probably an angelic choir someplace.  
"Naruto?"  
Angels surround me and look down at me. They have white masks over their faces; God must have deemed them too beautiful to look at.  
"Hi. . .where. . .where is Sakura?"  
The angels glance at one another. They look down at me and whisper. God must be angry. God must have had a look at my resume.  
"She's not here."It's a long fall from heaven.  
Clouds kiss my face as I drop closer to the earth. Angels yell at me and the choir picks up the pace as I fall.  
My own angelic soundtrack.  
White fades to black.  
Black envelops all.  
Silence.

No. Everyone is talking too loud.  
The dead can't seem to understand the words "Shut up."  
They surround me and scream at me. This must be hell. They shout at me for broken promises, for abandoning them, for knowing them. . .loving them. Some even hit me.  
They hit me so hard that I feel like I'm being shocked.  
And again.  
And again.  
"Again."  
"Clear!"

Black fades to white.  
I can hear angels again.  
God must have reworked my papers. Speak of the devil.  
"Naruto. . ."  
God stares me in the eyes. All her love and hope gone.  
"What happened?"  
I miss hell.

* * *

**Yet another small update, but hey, at least it has artistic value. . .right?**

**I can already feel the angry glares directed at me for being slow at updating. . .**

**I love you guys!**

"Don't hurt me" - C0n

"**The way upward and the way downward are the same."  
****-Diels: Die Fragmente der Vorsokratiker, Herakleitos**


	6. Interlude: My Trip Back Home

Interlude – My Trip Back Home

**c0nsTanTine doesn't own Naruto. R-o-M doesn't own Naruto. We both own a copy of Starcraft 2.**

**Warning: Suicide. It's really depressing. Don't do what Naruto does. He's an anime character.**

* * *

There is nothing left in my house other than debris and ashes. My closet is smashed, my bed is now split in two, and half of my apartment folded in on itself.  
This is what happens when I lose something important.  
I stare out of the gaping maw that was once the right side of my room, out at the village.  
**'_Thing of beauty, ain't it kid?'  
_**The school is gone. It's not broken, it isn't in pieces, it's not even in existence anymore, it is merely a hole in the dirt. The Hokage tower has large chunks of it ripped out, like a giant dog ran by and scratched it by accident. Fires were still going on in the distance, and they will probably burn for the next few days. The hospital is almost a mirror image of the academy. They had to house the wounded and dying inside of the Hokage's bottom floor. That's where I was for the last ten hours.  
_**'I would have fixed you up sooner, but I was still a little tuckered out. After all, not every day you let me out to go play.'  
**_I can feel my stomach acids burning more and more inside of my chest. I let them out of my mouth and onto the floor, a cooling relief floods my stomach as I taste sourness. I spit what's left inside my mouth into the puddle forming on the floor. This shouldn't have happened. I let them down. All of them.  
_**'You let her down.'  
**_My heart rips itself in two as I stumble backwards, landing on my side. Nothing will fix this. Nothing I can do will ever make this right.  
_**'Stop being a little baby. You taught everyone what happens when the fuck with us. No one is safe.'  
**_'No one is safe.'  
Not while I'm alive.  
'_**Don't even think about it.'**_

Sakura taught me how to make poison. She taught me about anatomy and where someone would bleed out the fastest. How to make a wound that won't heal easy.

_**'Shut the hell up! Sit your ass down!'  
**_'No. You aren't in charge anymore. You never will be.' I smile broadly and run into my kitchen, tossing herbs and spices out of drawers and cabinets.  
Arsenic.  
Wolfs bane.  
Hemlock.  
I knew having a garden would pay off.

_**'You really think you'll follow through with it?'**_

I need a blade. Not just a kunai or a knife, but something that won't come out if the Fox applies too much force to it. A sword.  
Running back into my room, I kick the halves of my bed off the edge of my floor. They fall into the heap below, slamming with enough force to break even further. I walk back into my kitchen and put the sword on my table. I crush the herbs and pour some water into the pot they mix in,setting it on my stove, I fold my hands and close my eyes.

_**'Just stop kid, come on, you know I won't get out again.'**_

'Not after this.'

_**'Really? It hurts you this bad? No wonder it was so easy.'**_

'Shut up.'

_**'Oooo. Someone decided to grow some balls. Too bad it was so late in the game! You might have been able to stop this-'**_

'I said shut up.'

I open my eyes and take the pot off the stove, reaching in with a cloth, I smear the goop on. Pulling my hand back, I slide the cloth along the edge of my sword, watching the steaming green liquid stick to the sharp silver lining.  
'Thank you for the sword, Kakashi sensei.'  
Now for the moment of truth.  
Lift the blade up and hold it out.  
Place it in the middle of the sternum.  
'It won't be that bad. It'll be over after this. They'll all be safe and for once I'll do something right.'  
This is the right way to do the wrong thing.

_**'What about you? What about being Hokage and all that shit you talked about over the years! You're going to throw your life and dreams away just for some piss ants and a girl?'**_

'Yes.'

A blade being pushed into your chest hurts. It hurts like hell. It feels cold and hot at the same time. Then the nerves react and it burns like the hottest fire you will ever feel. This is magnified by the feeling of loss. That is when your blood decides to flow from the openings now available to it.  
Poison will numb this at first. That's the nerves dying and being overridden by the toxins. This will give way to utter flaring pain and the person affected will usually go into seizures out of pure shock. Most people die from this kind of pain. Not the actual wound or even the poison, but just the pain.

I am not this lucky.

My body heals itself just fast enough to where the nerves never numb. They never go cold or die, they only feel. Every inch of this sword, poison and blood has a pain and loss attached to them, and I feel it. Every second.  
My sword refuses to leave my heart. The pumping only forces more and more blood out, while the poison weakens what little power the Fox has to fix this. I wonder what it feels like for him. Having lived so long, just to die at the hands of a seventeen year old.  
Stubbornly, I can feel the skin tighten, almost closing off the wound, but the poison did it's job; the blood is too thin for the platelets to stick together.

_**'No! NO! I won't be able to do this fast enough! You fucking idiot!'**_

No. This is me at my brightest.

I will die a hero. I will die, having killed the Nine Tailed Fox.I will be bigger than Hokage for this.

I will matter for once in my short life. Too bad I won't be there to see it.

"See you soon... Sakura-chan."

The lungs give out. The heart stops. The muscles let go and it all becomes black. And it will stay that way this time.

Naruto Uzumaki is dead.

* * *

**Serious Author Notes time.**

**Computer fried a few months back. Been working on a laptop, which isn't exactly easy when you don't have access to the stuff you've been working on. Decided to just try and write from where I left off and what I had on e-mail and backlogs of MSN conversations with R-o-M.**

**For a full Author Note, I'll be posting the rest as well as an update to how things are going with the fic on my blog. Check my profile for that.**

**Sorry it took.**

**-Con**

"**I was dreaming of the past, and my heart was beating fast.  
I began to lose control, I began to lose control.**

**I didn't mean to hurt you.**  
**I'm sorry that I made you cry.**  
**Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you.**

**I'm just a jealous guy." - Jealous Guy, Deftones cover of a John Lennon song**


	7. Interlude: My Chat With God Part 2

**Interlude: My Chat With God (Part 2)**

**c0nsTanTine doesn't own Naruto. Neither does R-o-M. I'm drinking Coke. R-o-M wants a Coke. I don't own that either**.

* * *

I feel pain again.

Pain that you hear old war veterans talk about.

It's a mixture of burning, stinging, being sore and something vaguely similar to the feeling of acid. I have never been in this kind of agony before and stayed conscious through it.

Except when I killed myself.

_How am I feeling this right now?_

Black, once more, turns to blinding white. A white glare that singes the retinas in my eyes forcing them to squeeze shut, then blink as fast as possible, trying to force the pain away. I can make out sounds in the distance and people talking like their mouths are muffled. There is a weight on my body, sorta like being underwater. Everything seems far away and fuzzy, except for the feeling of my heart being split into five separate pieces. I open my mouth to talk, and everything comes out stupid and slurred.

"Baa...Baa-chan. Baa-chan."

Three blurs cover the light quickly, the black blobs swaying and squishing together as they get closer. I can hear someone two miles away, yelling at me.

"Naruto!"

"Baa-chan. Wha...Where."

The voice yells at me again. I can hear it like a whisper. The blobs melt together and black covers my eyes. I can feel myself fall asleep during the conversation.

"Naruto, you're alright. When you didn't come back...sent a team to...dead for minutes...Kyuubi...I'm just glad you're ali-..."

Black burns away to the same intense blast of white that floods my view. I am awake now. The pain in my chest hasn't died at all. It only burns with the same tearing agony as before. I refuse to move as any attempts at even pushing my arms in any direction is met with a simple 'fuck you' from my heart.

"Baa-chan. You here?" I can hear my own voice, raspy and weak. It burns my throat and my chest. White is replaced with gold, as I can see my favorite old hag staring down at me. Her eyes are bloodshot and her mouth is twitching in what I can only assume is something between a sob and a smile.

"I'm here, you idiot."

"What happened?" I can hear her pull a chair up to my bed and as she sighs, pushing a few strands of hair from her view. She won't let me out of her sight.

"I sent a team out to get you when I worried about how long you were gone, especially in the mood you left the makeshift hospital in. The two ninja found you in a pool... of your own blood..." she pauses to cover her eyes. Baa-chan stays this way for a few minutes then coughs and looks back down at me, holding my hand with one hand, stoking my face with the other.

"After they brought you back, I made sure to take care of you myself. You were full of poison, but of course you made them too weak and for once, the damn fox did good and pushed them out. But with all of it's focus on the poisons, the Kyuubi couldn't force the sword out in time and you bled out. You were dead for four minutes." She squeezes my hand. "I kept on trying... and after ten good shocks and some blood transfusions from your friends... here you are."

I can't speak. I don't know what I could say... should say. But I do remember one thing, and it burns in my mind like nothing else. More than the pain in my heart, more than the things I'll have to do to make up for the burden I've placed on everyone.

"You said when I was up the first time... something about the Kyuubi... what was it?"

She watches my eyes for any source of emotion after her next words.

"When you died... so did the Kyuubi. But when we brought you back, there was no chakra from it at all. It's gone, Naruto."

Today, we lie to Naruto. That must be what's happening. Haha.

"Are you sure? You're one hundred percent? He's gone? The Kyubbi won't just come back in a week or a month or a year, he's dead and gone?"

"We've had Hanabi come and check your chakra with the Byakugan, Ino look throughout your mind and even Shino came down to use with the kikaichu and search for any chakra from the Fox. They found nothing. Residual chakra, but after it being locked inside you for eighteen years and the amount it possessed, that was to be expected. His conscious is gone. His influence is gone, and once you use up the chakra he left with you, every essence of him will be gone. The only thing you'll have left from that nightmare is your scars."

And after eighteen years, all I had to do was kill myself.

"That and the knowledge I killed people I loved. I killed-" She cuts me off, covering my mouth with a soft hand. Baa-chan looks me in the eyes, comforting, like when Ero-sennin passed.

"That wasn't you. It was the demon. And he's gone now. The village thinks of you as a hero now-"

I sit up. Fire, burning hotter than any flames is in my chest and my limbs, but it doesn't matter.

"I killed hundreds of people and they think I'm a fucking hero?" Machines beep at a rate so loud they are audible now. My chest threatens to split in two, the pain numbed by my anger and confusion.

"But you got rid of the fox. That's all they see right now; one evil removed from this earth by a brave little boy who was able to keep the Fox at bay for all these years. They love you now."

Acid burns it's way up my stomach as I cover my mouth. Up the throat, past the heart, into my mouth. This is how things should be.

There are no words for this, just a sickening pain and bile. Anything that made sense is gone. Up is down, left is right and here I am, reaping all of the benefits. I am a hero who in a moment of weakness let out the strongest of the tailed beasts back into this world. I then proceeded to murder and kill the village's inhabitants as well as the woman I love. I killed myself.

I have killed everything I held dear and I am worshiped for it.

Stomach fluids spew out of my lips and into a bed pan Tsunade placed in front of me. I close my eyes and focus on my heart, every beat a bruise on my soul. This is a perfect reminder of who I am now. With every second I live from here until the end of time, I will be in pain. I died with the people I loved.

I'm in hell now.

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**Promised a faster update, here you guys and gals go. R-o-M and I talked about it and we're going to try and make a weekly update. It'll probably go bi-weekly once college starts up again but hey, at least we're trying. What this means for us is R-o-M yells at me to write more, and I rush his editing!**

**It's very professional.**

**Check the profile for a new blog update if you want to know half of what stopped us from updating this chapter even sooner. Kind of like our own personal Failblog!**

**- Con**

"**Those who fall die on the way." - Samuel Beckett**


	8. Dead Memories

**Dead Memories**

**C0nstantine and R-o-M do not own Naruto. I am the sheriff of Halloween town. R-o-M is the janitor. R-o-M wants a bigger paycheck :O**

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My mind has never been that complicated. I used to have people support that claim day in and day out. But sometimes things find a way of. . .well, making life harder. Memories are never clear.  
You think to yourself "I'll remember this moment forever. It'll always be this way."  
Sometimes you can lie to yourself like that.  
But memories have a habit of chipping and scratching. They break and change themselves to whatever your mood is that moment.

**___You think you have a perfect memory?  
Guess again.  
Those people you loved? They never looked like that. They never said what you think they said.  
Those things you did? They never happened, especially not the way you thought.__  
_**I remember my first birthday party. I went out to dinner with my friends.  
**___Who were they?__  
_**I know one of them had black hair.  
**___You never had a birthday party.__  
_**Oh. . . Then who was the person with the black hair?  
**___He wasn't your friend._**_  
_Who the hell was he then?

Who was he?  
**___Who said it was a he? _**

Just. . .please just tell me who it is, I need to remember this.  
**___Only to forget once again...__  
_**I don't care, just tell me and stop playing games.  
**___Who gave you the authority to give out orders?__  
_**I did. Who says I even have to take this crap from you?  
**___If you don't want to know, that's fine with me. . .__  
_**Wait! Wait. I'm sorry. I... just what's going on? I'm so confused  
**___It's alright. I figured as much. Just focus and think, it's not too hard. What is the first thing you remember? The first thing you really remember?_**

**___

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**___"Who gave you the authority to give out orders?"_**_  
_"What?"  
A man in a black anbu mask turned his head to look at another man, a similar animal mask covering his face "I said who the hell let you give out orders?"  
"The Hokage. We leave this kid alone, you understand?"  
"Yeah, leave the demon be. . .great idea."

The man sighed and took his mask off, revealing one eye covered in a bandage and smiled at the kid. His tear-ridden eyes looking up at the older man, he seemed confused.  
"Hey. Don't worry about a thing, alright? The Hokage wants you protected, and I'll never let the old man down. . .alright?"  
"Ok." The kid smiled up at him.  
". . .Who did this to you?"  
"I. . .I don't really know. I remember coming home and something hit me on my head. I could hear other kids yelling at me and kicking me. . ."  
The man shook his head and picked the kid up. "That's enough. Today's a special day for you, isn't it?"  
"Yep!" He seemed to forget all about his quickly fading bruises. His mending cuts and broken bones fixing themselves as usual. "It's my birthday!"  
The anbu laughed and carried the child on his shoulder. "Have you ever had ramen before?"  
"Once! Old man Hokage said it wasn't good to have it all the time though. . ." The kid looked down and his new guardian with a bright smile "But I won't tell him if you wont!"  
The anbu smiled and him down in front of the flap to a ramen shop. "Deal."  
"Deal! Oh, but what's your name?"  
"Danzo. So what ramen do you want?"

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**___"So what ramen do you want?"_**_  
_". . .hmm?"  
"What flavor do you want?" Sakura laughed and tapped Naruto's forehead lightly  
"Heh, sorry. I guess beef as usual." He smiled and set his head down on his arms. He stared at the wall of the shop to his right, eyes fixated on pots and pans as the owner cooked the ramen he had grown to love over his years.  
"Something wrong?"  
Naruto shook his head and rubbed his eyes. "No, not really, just been thinking."  
"That's new."  
"HEY!"  
"Never mind. So what's on your mind?"  
Naruto covered his face with his arms and turned his head away from her. "I don't want to tell you now."  
Sakura sighed. "Hey, come on... I'm sorry alright? I was just kidding."  
"Yeah, and how many times have I heard that." Naruto said plainly. "It's just. . .I don't know. . .I feel stupid even thinking about it."  
"Come on, tell me."  
"Promise you won't laugh?"  
"Promise."  
Naruto stood up straight and looked at Sakura, eyes serious. ". . .what if I told you I liked a girl. More then that, it was a girl that wasn't anything like me. Even more then that, a girl who wasn't you?"  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait up. What did you say?"  
"I'm serious Sakura."  
"Ok, lets assume you're being serious. Are you going to tell me who she is?"  
"That depends on your reaction. First. . .I need to talk to you about her."  
"Fine."

Naruto sighed heavily. "I can't stop thinking about her. She. . .she means pretty much everything to me. I'm sure she knows I like her and I feel like a complete idiot whenever I talk to her."  
'Well that doesn't tell me much, he acts like a complete idiot around everybody.'  
"I just want her to know I care about her, but I don't think she'd even look at me if I let her know how much I. . ." Naruto covered his face again, mumbling his words.  
"You what?"  
". . .love her."  
Sakura's eyes widened in surprise. Naruto was in love?  
"I know, it's stupid. No girl likes me that much and I'm contemplating telling her that I love her."  
"I'm really an idiot, aren't I?"  
Sakura sighed and looked down at the table. "Yes, you are."  
"I knew it." Naruto buried his face deeper into his arms  
". . .just tell her."  
". . .huh?"  
"I said, just tell her. She deserves to know at least."  
". . .What if she hates me? What if she punches me or something?"  
"Would you rather wonder if it could have been for the rest of your life? Come on Naruto, you're better than that."  
Naruto looked at Sakura again, a smile rising on his face. "Alright. And I'm sorry."  
She looked down at Naruto, her brow furrowing slightly. "For what?"  
"Lying."  
"Sakura-chan. . .who could I love other than you?" Naruto's smile was as wide as it could possibly be.  
Sakura smiled as well, and sighed. "Naruto. . .now would be a good time to run."  
". . .Huh?"  
Bam.  
**_'That's the fifth time this week I've been punched out of a restaurant'_**

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**Hope you liked it. I hope you liked the quick update even more. I think this week will be a flurry of update. I want to get as much out for you guys and gals before college throws a wrench in the works. Remember to check the blog and all that.**

**Quick shout out to kyu15: ****Thank you so much for the review. Always makes a writer proud and a little giddy to see someone enjoying the story. The fact that you want an update alone fills me with joy! Saying it's damn near perfect. . .you're just trying to make me hug you.**

**Shout out to Pacman: O-dog. You rock. That is all.**

**Keep on kickin' ass. ****-c0n**

**I'm not paying for that. ****-RoM**

"**He explained to me one day, or I imagined or dreamed, I'm no longer sure of the truth. . ." ****- Constancia, Carlos Fuentes**


	9. Where The Waves Will Surround

**Disclaimer: C0nsTanTine doesn't own Naruto. Neither does RoM. This makes us sad.**

**Where The Waves Will Surround (My First Time)**

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"Hey Naruto!" he shouted, smiling for the first time in ...only god knows how long. "It's good to see you!" Sasuke stood up and hugged me tightly.  
"Yeah?" I replied, smirking. Brothers. That's what we were that night.  
"It's our first night off since we got put on double missions ...figured we could use a drink, ne?" Sasuke poured another shot of the clear liquid and swallowed it quickly, closing his eyes and shuddering.

To anyone else in the village, this might have been a sight to behold; the Uchiha clan heir was drunk off his ass and talking to a man he would have tried to kill only three years ago. But he had a lot of down time, and with it came depression. Drinking calmed him down - dumbed him down is what I'd like to think – just enough to finally smile. That in itself was worth all the spoiled livers in the world.  
Sasuke and I looked past all that old bullshit we had between us and decided to start over when he came back to Leaf.  
We were on missions almost every other day what with the war rising...  
"So did you invite her?" He said, nudging me as I sat down. He enjoyed teasing me about my love life. Especially when he was drunk.  
"Of course I did. I can't even think straight without her around me, you know that." Sasuke laughed.  
"Well then, you might need a sip of this." He tipped his small glass over towards me, a strong smelling alcohol was in it.  
"I ...I don't dri-" "Oh, come off it man!" Sasuke said as he frowned slightly at me "It's the only time things make sense to me ...I want to share that feeling with you tonight, Naruto. You're family."

...Alcohol is a wonderful thing.

I lifted the glass silently and sighed, staring into his glossed-over eyes. "For you, for Sakura, and for all my friends." I swallowed the horrid tasting, acidic nightmare.  
"So, do you like it?" He laughed and patted my back, the fire cutting down my throat like knife. I coughed and shook my head.  
"Tastes like shit."  
"You get used to it, I promise." Sasuke smiled at me and turned back to pouring us more drinks.  
"Get used to what?" we heard a feminine voice ask us.  
"Why, to the taste of alcohol, Sakura. I've tainted your precious Naruto with the power of booze!"  
"Oh god ...now I'll have two idiots to take care of." Sakura shook her head and kissed my cheek.  
Always an angel.  
"Get me a glass?" "Sure thing Sakura-chan." I said smiling.  
Three glasses. One bottle of alcohol became two ...two became four, four became six, so on and so on...

And that's how the endless nights and mornings were to be filled. When you weren't fighting it was hard to do much else in the village. The schools were closed or burnt down because of attacks from other villages. There were no safe spots in the village; most of us had seen the destruction first hand, so we knew. And it all came down to that. . .drink until you fell asleep, wake up and do your rounds on patrol. Come home and see your friends, your significant other, maybe you did something, then you all went out and got drunk. Talk about the days when everything was fine. Laugh. Probably drink some more. Repeat.

Cue two hours later.

The bars were closed because of the new curfew, so we had to stumble the four blocks back home. Sakura was the least stable of us, mumbling as she laughed at jokes only she could understand. Sasuke and I held her up, almost like some bastardized version of our original team seven picture ...minus a sensei of course. The stairs were an obstacle course that needed to be overcome, so we stepped at the same time, laughing as we tilted left and right.

"Shit ...I think this is the only downside."  
"Ah, don't worry, I'll bring the drinks home tomorrow. Less walking, more party." Sasuke smirked as I opened the door, Sakura's head on my shoulder.  
"I have to go do rounds in about five hours, so I'll catch you on the way out and see how she's doing in the morning." He said waiting at the doorway. Sakura refused to let go of my coat, gripping me tightly. I slid out of it and covered her on the couch as I made my way back to the door, rubbing my eyes.  
"I have to say ...it wasn't as bad as I thought ...thanks man." I put my arm out as he grabbed it, a mutual shake became a hug. "You be careful, alright?"  
Sasuke wove and looked at Sakura then me "Same to you two, eh?"  
"...Perv."  
"Heh, later bro."

Night was always beautiful before, but everything wanted me to look at it in a new light that night. Darks faded into lights with a new blur, and the breeze as I closed the door behind Sasuke felt better than ever. I sat down on the couch as I felt arms snake around me again, lips pressed against my neck. "...I love you."

I believe alcohol should be in every household.

"What?"  
"I love you Naruto ...I love you."  
"That's just-"  
"No, no, I do. I just ...I never really have the courage to say it."  
I looked down at my slurred little angel and kissed her forehead, holding her tightly as I closed my eyes.

I wanted to end every night feeling like that.

And that's how I started drinking.

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**To foreverfriendly: I always wanted my very own troll! Especially one that posts two lemon fics and berates other people for writing skills!**

**To kyu15: First off, thanks again for another review! I actually tried to make it confusing, mostly because it's supposed to be! Going back, re-reading and trying to make sense of things tends to make a reader focus more on what's going on. Also, yeah, that is kinda funny XD **

**To future reviewers like Mr. Friendly: _Criticism is accepted_. Retarded hate, not so much! **

**To the usual readers: Hope you liked it, I made it just for you!**

**-c0n**

"**And I'm falling down  
****Where the waves will surround  
****To the roll and the pound  
****Of the wild, wild sea  
****Talking sweet to me" - A Slow Parade by AA Bondy**


	10. My Medication

**My Medication**

**Disclaimer: C0nstantine and R-o-M do not own Naruto. They kick royal ass at Starjeweled on SC2 however. (MUAHAHA FEAR US! -R-o-M)**

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White irises look down at me.  
A smile graces her beautiful face as she leans down and kisses me. Three pills are in my hand now. I have medication these days that I'm supposed to take. One is for the hangovers. It is red. My favorite pill is that pill.  
My second one is a purple pill. It calms me down. I'm not supposed to go outside with(out?) it. I'm also not supposed to drink when I have it, but that usually doesn't stop me.  
My last pill is gray or tan, and this changes whenever Hinata has to find a new pharmacist. This one stops the voices I'm not supposed to hear. I don't like this pill. I usually spit it out when she's not looking.  
As I sit up, I notice the morning feels different, but I don't know why. It's a certain feeling in my chest, like butterflies floating and fluttering around, too busy to find a place to relax. I feel nervous, anxious and like I've been asleep for years.  
Maybe today I'll finally stop moping around.

"You've been out for two days." Hinata says, her voice thick with relief and the sound of monotony.  
How many times have I woken up to this?

"I don't remember much." Well, much of what happened when I was drunk.  
"You didn't do a whole lot. You just had a bit of a relapse when you were out fishing, it wasn't that bad." That answer was a tad too vague, but then again, she was always horrible at lying to me, it's just one of those things.  
"Hinata... " The blame game always works wonders for me.  
"Ok, but it's not really that bad." She holds her arm out and I see the dark, red line sliding gracefully along the top. Lunch from two days ago quickly burns in my stomach. It wants to find a way out.  
"I... I..." I need to throw up. Those red pills must not be working.  
Hinata notices this and puts her arms around me, holding me tightly like any second I'm about to fight free.  
"Don't worry," She says calmly, pulling back and standing up. "It's nothing new. I use to be a medic, remember? After all, how do you think I still get you those pills?" A smirk graces her lips and I find myself relieved in some small way.  
"I'm still sorry Hinata-chan. I promise... I'll try and slow down on the drinking. I don't ever want to hurt you like that again."  
She shakes her head and goes into the kitchen, out of my view but still talking to me.  
"It's alright Naruto-kun." I can hear water running, and plates being moved. I can make out slicing and chopping. She's cooking for more then just us.

"Is someone coming over?"  
"Shino and 'a guest' apparently. He refused to tell me who it was, but he told me it would probably cheer you up."  
I can't really think of who'd make me happy right about now. Whoever it is, maybe they'll have a drink with me. Wait, didn't I just talk about 'toning it down on the booze?' So much for today being new.

"So what do you want to do tonight?"  
I turn my head around and sigh, looking at Sasuke as he leans on the couch. "I have no idea. Depends on who's coming over, when they leave, all the usual."  
"Maybe we can head down to the town again. I kinda like it there."  
"Yeah, I knew you would." I smile and face the living room again, yawning deeply.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Well, I'm gonna go. You know how company feels about me. Later."  
"Later-" I turn back to Sasuke and notice he's already gone._ Never really likes to stay around much.  
__Heh, not like he ever did_.

I stand up and head to the door, heading down the hall. "Can you get that?" Hinata asks politely, talking just loud enough to catch my ear. "Already on my way."  
I put my hand on the doorknob and sigh. Maybe today won't suck too bad.

Click.

"Hi Naruto."  
"...Ino?"

I will be needing another purple pill.

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**Sorry the chapter is short, but classes started up so I didn't have a lot of time to write. I'll be updating with another chapter tomarrow to make up for it. For updates on the fic and stuff in general, remember to check my profile and go to the Blog.**

**To ObsessionThe-Never-Ending-Wait: "Do you realize this is NarutoHinata?"  
****No. I didn't. Being that this is my story, I totally forgot what I was doing.  
****If you care that much about it, make your own fan fiction and stop reading mine. For someone nine chapters deep (when you made your comment) you should have left sooner if you were coming for straight up Hinata and Naruto. Oh yeah, and Cap Locking words doesn't make them more important. Just makes you look stupid.**

**To Kyu15: Thanks for yet another review! I made sure to post this tonight just to stay on track for you, my man. I checked the song out, it's pretty good XD Keep on reading man, hope you like it.**

"**I take a couple uppers,  
****I down a couple downers,  
****But nothing compares  
****To these blue and yellow purple pills." - Purple Pills, D-12 ft. Eminem**

**-C0n**

**"Nom nom nom." - R-o-M**


	11. My Visitors

**My Visitors**

**C0nstantine doesn't own Naruto. R-o-M doesn't own Naruto. You'd think by now we could stop saying this. (It's a conspiracy! A conspiracy I tell you! The law is on to us! - R-o-M)**

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Ino Yamanaka. She was the second most beautiful girl in the village. Next to Sakura-chan of course. She wasn't as obsessive as Sakura over Sasuke when he originally defected, and that made her a close friend of mine. She understood my mission and the trials I had to go through, and I knew what it was like to be alone. Shikamaru died between the war and when I was still looking for Sasuke. She cried almost constantly, barely ate and refused to see anyone other than Choji and me.

We had our own way of dealing with death.  
_Being in love.  
Drinking._

Ino and I fell in love for the same reason most people do; The feeling of being alone sucks. She was there to remind me that I was alive and no one cared about what happened.

"It's not your problem anymore."

"If anything, the world is better off now."

She was there to replace the lips of someone else. I was there to smother the pain of death. The sense that no matter how hard she cried, at least someone loved her.  
And I did love her.  
She made life better. Nothing went wrong. I didn't need my medication as often. She smiled and I would laugh again.

And now she's here, in my house, with my friends, drinking my vodka and talking about our relationship in front of my dinner table.

"And that's when little Naruto-kun here decided to ask me out on our first date." She smiles, face red, and hugs me with her left arm. I laugh.

I have to laugh.  
This would be far more awkward if I didn't laugh.

I can tell this is making Hinata uncomfortable, because she can't keep her eyes off of me. She's watching every move I make, trying to gauge our reactions and see if something is going to happen. I don't know if she wants to keep me in sight to make sure I'm medically stable right now or if I drink.

I really suck at this stuff.  
Then again, I guess that's why me and Ino never really stuck together. I never keep track of what's going on around me or with my friends.

"So how are _you_ two?" Ino says, waving her glass at me then Hinata. I quickly cut off any chance of communication.  
"Alright, how about I make us all something to drink?" _God knows I need one._

Hinata stares at me for a few seconds then sighs. "Sure."

"I promise, it won't be much."

I am in the kitchen now, drinking out of the bottle, about two thirds of a fifth is gone. I need to carry these glasses out. This is hard to do when your stomach feels like a swamp. _At least my heart pain is gone._

I walk back into the dining room, smiling brightly and handing everyone a glass. Shino bows slightly, almost unnoticeably and lifts the glass above his coat, pouring it into what I can only assume is his mouth.

Hinata smiles back at me and bows, having a small sip. This is one of the rare occasions she has had any form of alcohol. It has always been with me.

I am a true asshole.

Ino wraps her arms around me as I set her glass next to her seat. She holds onto me with what feels like her last few vestiages of strength. Her breathe reaks of sour mash and clear alchohol.  
She's been mixing colors. That won't end well tomarrow.  
She whispers in my ear.

"We need to have a talk. Catch up and stuff."  
Ino looks at Shino then Hinata. "As you know, Sound is still active in their attacks on the other villages."  
_Quick subject change. This means it involves us._

Shino decides to take over, clearly able to talk in a more... steady tone of voice then our inebriated friend.

"Grass was hit. We had to leave, which was the reason for our sudden intrusion. Yet again, I am very sorry for having to come here relatively unannounced-"  
I raise my hand to cut him off.  
"Hinata's old teammate, not to mention my two best friends are more than welcome in our home."

I can tell he's smiling. Kakashi-sensei taught me things like that.

Ino picks up her glass and clinks it against mine.  
"To friends!"  
Shino raises his almost empty glass, as does Hinata with her near-full one. "To friends!"

I look down at my glass, full as when I poured it.

"For my friends."

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**Quick Note: Yes, Naruto is still oblivious to Hinata's feelings. Sure he can return them at times, but he's always done that semi-by-accident. Relationships aren't clean like we expect them to be, and I'm trying to show that here. I know some of you were either about to say "wtf" and some probably will, but come on. . .like no one has ever loved you and you only thought of them that way like. . .20%**

**I am also aware I barely mentioned the war. There will be more next chapter regarding the war, so relax.**

**Oh yeah, and Naruto's tolerance is high, so he can drink a lot and barely feel it. Some of you know what I'm talkin' about. -wink-**

**To Kyu15: Hope this explains why she was brought up. As for the Sakura thing. . .I'll be bringing up why he's a little strange with Ino in the next chapter or the one following! On Jason X: Dear god. Normal Jason scared me enough.  
No worries on the update man, gotta keep on writing for our usual readers!**

**To Erihar1979: I'm really glad you like it! Thank you so much for your review, it made me feel a little more loved then usual.**

"**I hate to advocate drugs, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson**


	12. My Explanation

**My Explanation**

**c0nstantine and R-o-M don't own Naruto. We are thinking of starting a Starcraft 2 Invitational.**

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Three years ago, someone decided a war would be a good idea.  
Everyone else agreed.  
And that's how people started dying.  
The End.

Ok, so I'm a little rusty on the main causes, but I'll try and tell you what I do know.

Sound got fed up with the way they were being treated by Orochimaru and tried to throw a coup. Of course, many villages supported this, and some assume the coup was staged by special ops from an outside village.  
I just like to think Orochimaru is that big of an asshole.

Whoever you want to blame, point is there was a revolt. A revolt which lasted close to half a year, and cost Sound a majority of it's populace. Orochimaru made sure to keep his strongest ninja close and cursed, which stopped them from doing anything outside of his control. None of the big villages could intervene, as it would be seen as an act of aggression and more than likely cause another great war.

Look at how well that went.

Baa-chan tried to get the Kage from the villages together and talk out the issue, but no one really cared enough. As long as it didn't hurt their people, it wasn't their problem  
.Seven months after it started, the revolution was over, and Orochimaru had won. He made sure another uprising wouldn't happen. He did it in such a fashion, that it wasn't really surprising as it was shocking.  
He placed the cursed seal on every member of Sound.  
Those he deemed unworthy for this were either tested on or put to death.

Those days were not the worst.

Four months later, Orochimaru declared war on all known villages.  
After that, everything was a blur of nights on patrol bleeding into days on guard duty or the occasional trip to my own home.  
Konoha was attacked two years ago. We were one of the first, and it was so violent and so unorthodox that we didn't have any time to prepare.

Suicide bombings from people who had little or no chakra, which we later found out were the same villagers Orochimaru had marked.  
Hunter-nin picking off members of our patrols then taking back to the forests.  
Torturing members of your family and sending them back to the village so your friends and family will see what happens when you fight back. . .

I stopped caring who it was I killed. As long as their was a sound headband, they were the snake-bastard himself.

But that wasn't even the worst part of those days.

After my. . .incident. . .I was pulled off duty. I had to re-learn everything I knew about chakra. My reserves were high due to the constant pull and push of the Kyubbi, but it didn't come back nearly as fast. Or strong.  
Didn't help I was praised where ever I went.  
"Hail the Demon-slayer!"  
"Naruto-sama! Welcome!"  
Even a few of my friends stopped looking at me weird.  
I killed countless people and I was idolized.

Tsunade gave me meds. A lot of meds.  
Depression, pain pills, morphine on IV drip for a while to compensate the pain in my chest, therapy, the whole works.  
Baa-chan really knew how to make a guy feel important.

I will skip the destruction of my home for two reasons:

I don't want to remember it.

I was blacked out, so what little I do remember comes it blurs and screams.

Hinata was my one saving grace.  
She carried me a quarter of the way to Wave. She found a merchant leaving the village who was willing to have the two of us the rest of the stretch. Yet again, I was out for most of this, but I do know I said a few things to her about how sorry I was for being an idiot and how much I regretted being a burden for her.  
Obviously, I am still a burden, but she always said I wasn't.  
She says the little white lies like that all the time.

Wave took me in without any sort of problem usually associated with displaced people. I have a bridge named after me with which more than seventy percent of their income uses to cross. Couldn't ignore me if they tried.  
Of course, I was in a drunken blur as well as a medicated calm for most of those first few months, so I can remember bits and pieces of what was said and what happened, but I was told a majority of what really went on by Hinata when the medications went down in number.  
Tazuna, that drunk old man, made us a house as fast as possible, and demanded that we take it for free. "What good is having a woman and being alive if you have no place to stay?" Yeah, she blushed about that one.  
Inari was taking after his old man and grandpa, learning how to build and all the stuff that comes with the territory. He was also bugging the crap out of me on how to make explosive tags, saying some shit about how he could alter them for constructive uses. I don't really remember, Tazuna and I were usually too bat-shit hammered to stand, let alone carry on a coherent conversation. We talked about the good old days.  
The days when Tsunami was still alive, when Sakura was still alive. We both lost the important women in our lives.

"But hey. . .you still have the one you came here with. . .and she seems to care about you a lot, boy."  
"Well, yeah. We're best friends, old man. We have to stick together."  
Tazuna shook his head "Dumb as hell. Always have been, always will be."  
Naruto sighed. "There are reasons for that. After all, with all the perverted teachers I've had, do you really think that I could have come out of that oblivious?"  
"Then why are you pushing her away kid? Like I said, she seems to really care for ya."  
"It's... complicated." Naruto muttered as he slumped his shoulders while nursing his bottle of sake.  
"Ain't it always." Tazuna sighed as he took another swing of his own sake.

And that's how we lived for the first few months; two drunken men talking about the finer things in life.  
Women, war, booze, friends and how much more booze we would need for the next time we decided to have a drink together.  
Things weren't complicated, things weren't confusing and they certainly weren't painful. I was too far into binge drinking to even recall most of my life, let alone the war stories when I tried to drudge up the glory days.  
Never too drunk to forget Sakura.  
Always drunk enough to forget Hinata.

Well, almost. Damned if the girl hasn't grown on me in these years, but that's another story.

**

* * *

**

**Hey, sorry it took so long for this chapter, I had a bit of stuff to take care of.  
I turned 21.  
I had drinks to buy.  
That and college midterms are annoying.**

**Kyu15 – Yeah, I used to watch FLCL back when it was on Adult Swim for the first time. At lot of my life was actually devoted to that anime, the music and the Lord of the Black Flames himself, Kanti-sama. Also, I'm glad you liked the chapter XD**

**TheIMightyIPaco – Thank you so much for your review, it really brought a smile to my face when I saw it. I actually try to make these more prose-oriented than detail-heavy and plot driven. It's kind of my own personal experiment. Glad to know someone likes it!**

**(Spoiler)**

**Expect more Naru/Hina next chapter!**

**As usual, check the blog and I'll try to update as soon as possible. I'll be updating next week on Saturday as I usual do.**

**"The past is a gaping hole. You try to run from it, but the more you run, the deeper it grows behind you, its edges yawning at your heels. Your only chance is to turn around and face it. But it's like looking down into the grave of your love, or kissing the mouth of a gun, a bullet trembling in its dark nest, ready to blow your head off." - Max Payne 2**


	13. Our Story

Our Story

Con and R-o-M don't own Naruto. Con owns tiny bottles of vodka. Rom is REALLY hungry.

* * *

It's a painful thing, a relationship.

You go into them without knowing the proper procedures, the nuances, all the little things that the girl wants. The only thing we come into a relationship with is the antiquated prospect of showing a girl "romantic love". By definition, "romantic love" constitutes of various long-held-onto beliefs that a man is supposed to live by a chivalrous code that some shining knight helped make back in the old days, when men beat the ever-living shit out of one another encased in tuna cans.

In layman's terms:  
Being nice. Overtly nice.

Most men disregard this notion in their teens, and are usually rewarded. This, in turn, leads what few "nice guys" are left to suicide, other men, or becoming bad as well. The few that do survive this lonely holocaust of love often become jaded and nervous, further ruining their chances with women and probably causing them to grow old and alone, becoming the crazy old men who shout at their lawn gnomes. This leaves approximately four "nice guys" in your general area, of which three will have been taken by their long-time friends who noticed their qualities and quickly claimed them as their own.

The two remaining men will often times become depressed, utterly lonely and left to watch all of these couples walk the earth around them.

**One of these men will be driven to murder.**

_The last nice man will become a writer._

* * *

_I was only really good at a few things, and none of those things were important._

That's what I always told myself. I was good at cooking ramen, I was above average on tolerance to pain and I was ok at writing.  
I messed around with plants too, but that's not really hard to do. Water, sunlight, and pruning. Writing was one of the few things I learned by myself that was within the realm of "intelligence", as those rich fuckers with the fancy glasses say. I just did it because it helped me deal with things..  
Constant rejection and a demon living inside of my stomach, which if - and it eventually was – released, would destroy all that I held dear. Those things tend to be quite a muse.

I never thought much of my writing anyways.

**Loving you is a lot like when you beat me.  
****There's rage, love and care all wrapped into one moment.  
****I go out of my way to annoy you, to make you blush, to make you hurt me.  
****If I'm in pain, you aren't. It'll take your mind off of your unrequited love.  
****My blood, your tears, it's all the same.  
****Just shout my name and I'll take your punches with a smile.  
****At least you'll be doing something productive for once.**

Regular man of the pen, right?

Should have seen how much Sakura cried when she found that one.

* * *

We were coming home from Baa-chan's, it was the middle of the day and everything was fine.  
This was well before the war.  
It had become a regular occurrence for us to take a trip to my place after work or training and drink a beer or two. Well, she did. I was sober back then.

Sasuke was in Anbu at the time, months after I found him gurgling in a pool of his own blood, his brother almost doing the same a few feet to the left, sans the gurgling part of course.  
He was the same bastard coming out of that whole ordeal, just. . .a little more on the hugging side, which honestly scared the crap out of me the first six times it happened.  
He still wasn't looking to settle down, something about not being like that and atoning for crap.

I never really understood that stuff back then.

Sakura, heartbroken, turned to the same thing we all did when out lives went to shit: Alcohol.  
Baa-chan must have lost a bet over the whole thing.  
So we'd come home, beers in the fridge from the last trip to the store - just for her - and she'd rant, cry, and make lewd comments about people's mothers.

I would nod my head, 'listen', then excuse myself to a fifteen minute bathroom break just to sit and relax in silence.  
One of these breaks ended with a knock on the door. Flushing the toilet to make it sound convincing, I opened the door to the smell of fresh beer and a tear-stained face.  
And so I said,  
"Hi?"  
And she hugged me.  
"I found your journal."

So then time froze and my stomach filled with bugs.

"Sorry."  
"Don't you ever say that to me again!" She sobbed, hitting my chest.  
Two inches lower and the butterflies would have flown out my my mouth the hard way.  
"I've done nothing but hurt you and all you ever do is apologize for it! Naruto, I don't want you to say sorry to me, promise me!"  
"Bu-"  
"No! You promise me!" She pushed back, I slammed against the wall without flinching. One of my other pointless talents.  
"I promise."  
"Good." She stopped wiping her eyes as I put my arms around her. "Now promise me you'll stop crying."  
"I'll stop. Just give me a minute." She sighed, pulling in some air slowly, her beautiful green eyes looking up at my tired blue ones. I could smell the stale beer floating into the air. Her body moved closer, ont atom at a time, until I could feel her heart beating one tenth the rate of mine. The bugs in my stomach danced and twirled and waltzed into the rest of my body, making me feel itchy and hot.

And then she kissed me.

* * *

Shattered glasses on the floor from all the nights we kept my neighbors up.

My house still smelled like her. Every breath a pained one, like blood filling my lungs, slow at first until it built up into heart-wrenching pain.  
This was my first relationship, so it goes without saying that my first break-up would hurt like hell.  
Especially because it was the woman I spent my life chasing. Almost dying for. Killing for. Being beaten to hell for.  
I could deal with her punching me in the stomach, I actually got used to it at some point.  
This was beyond that.  
Bottles on my table, tipped over and standing proud, they were an army that helped fuel my nights. One of the few things I had going for me was Sasuke. Every night she slammed the door and ran off to gods know where, he came over to spend the night. Telling me how much she sucked. How I was better off without 'some pink-haired bimbo hurting me and shouting at me'.

This was coming from the man who never spent a second of his life with a woman.

_If you have to ask, you'll never know._

Of course, he always had to leave. And then I was by myself until Sakura got back late in the day.  
These were the dark times. The unholy times. The hours where pain was mine and mine alone. I couldn't talk it out with her, and Sasuke wasn't around to side-track me with beer and stories. These were definitely not my best moments.

And that's when Ino decided to stop by.

She started visiting when she had free time. I met her occasionally when I went to buy gardening supplies, so I was somewhat friendly with her.  
She would talk to me about anything she could think of. Village gossip, ninja gossip, missions, anything to pass the time.  
I once asked her why she started visiting me and she said she noticed I wasn't frequenting my usual haunts and wanted to see how I was doing.  
In her words, she told me, "I wondered where the hell our resident orange ninja was and decided to find you."  
Her words, not mine.  
So I told her, in the most eloquent words that I could muster up at the time,  
"Leave me alone."  
But much like any other woman in my life, she ignored my words and came in anyways. One look at the apartment said it all. I wasn't doing too well. So what does a woman like Ino do when someone looks depressed and in the depths of a drinking binge from night to night?  
She started to clean. And berate me. At the same time, like she had been training for this occasion.  
"I don't understand you two. Sakura is hot-tempered and you're just an idiot. It's not exactly like you two have philosophical differences, she's just bitchy and you probably don't understand what she says half the time."  
"You talk a lot." I said, having taken a seat on my couch, one of the few things she wasn't taking care of.  
"You talk little." She said smiling. "I hate that. I miss the idiot who talked with me about plants."  
"He's on vacation right now. Trying to force a certain pink-haired bitch out of his mind while she's still moving out of his apartment."  
I could hear her sigh from someplace deep inside the bowels of my room, her OCD getting the better of her, she was still taking care of me. I closed my eyes and started a verse, thinking Ino might get a kick out of it or something.

"**Here lives a man, alone in his mind and dead in his heart.  
His story has no ending, but it's no where near the start.  
Spent and alone, he wastes in his home, passing the time until he is bones,  
And yet he cannot be, a blonde beauty is with him.  
Despite his sorrow, he will smile for tomorrow, knowing that at least some woman cares for him."**

I couldn't make out the rustling of cleaning anymore so I thought maybe Ino left. I opened my eyes to her sitting across from me in my reclining chair. She was all stares and smiles.  
"Naruto. . .when did you learn how to do things like that?"  
"I learned a lot of useless things like that. Part of growing up, I guess. You find some things you like and you just stick with 'em."  
Ino shook her head, a faint smirk on her face. She walked over and gave me a tight hug. I probably reeked of ramen and various alcohols.  
"You ever want to talk about plants, life or anything, just let me know, Naruto. And stop by sometimes. I miss my orange little idiot."  
I chuckled and hugged her back with one arm.  
"Glad to know I'm yours."

* * *

Doors were slammed, the apartment wasn't as thrashed and it didn't hurt as bad.  
I was alone again, but unlike last time, I wasn't drinking every night. Sasuke was out on missions more, so the idea of being alone and drowning in alcohol wasn't very appetizing. I also learned to leave the house when I was depressed. Of course, this works better if you don't run into your ex-girlfriend.

"I heard about what happened. I'm so sorry." Sakura wrapped her arms around me, soft and careful, one of those rare hugs that showed how much she had changed over the year. I saw her every day, which was half of my current problem.  
_'It's hard to show that you don't care when she's always around you!'  
_More out of habit and a stinging want to be loved, I hugged her back, as tight as always, but this time, something was off. I could feel my eyes burn. I could feel a sense of letting everything go and just feeling sad. For once, everything sucked and I was showing it. I wanted to rip my eyes out.  
I could make out sobbing, but it wasn't me. I pulled back quickly and looked down at Sakura, her head against my chest, tears soaking into my shirt, she refused to look back up at me.  
"Be with me again!"  
_'She still loves you! I can see the way she stares at you! Don't fucking tell me you havn't seen it!'  
_"I can't do this! I can't pretend everything is ok, even for you Naruto. I love you!"  
Oh, how I waited to hear those words for so long.  
How much I wanted to hear them _**before**_ I was with Ino.  
How little I trusted myself at that moment.  
"I love you too."  
My brain was on auto-pilot. It was too tired, too starved, too damn stupid to be bothered for one coherant thought. My heart was in control. It wanted to be loved. It wanted to be taken care of. I'm pretty sure it wanted revenge.  
"I promise, things will be different!"  
Most of all, my heart just wanted things to go back to normal.  
So I did something stupid.  
I took her back.

* * *

I dated Ino again when Sakura died.  
It didn't last long, thanks to the war.  
We decided it was both of our faults for the first break up.  
She was too paranoid and controlling, I admittedly still coming to terms with my first break up.  
At least we were friends again.

* * *

I don't write much these days, and what I do happen to scribble down has little or no value when compared to my older stuff. It's witticisms and short little blurbs about how I'm feeling at that moment or the few things I do happen to care about. I don't buy journals and write in those anymore, especially with Hinata living in the same house. Last thing I need is for another girl to accidentally 'find' that book and cry into me confessing her love.  
Sometimes, in my drunken hazes, I manage to write something good on a napkin.

_**Hinata -**_

**Irisless eyes look  
Deeply into my soul, how  
Much I wish to kiss.**

**Them.**

_Ok, so I have slipped a little._

* * *

**Purple-Ripples:  
I'm glad you enjoy the fic! I'll try and update faster, I promise!**

**TheIMightyIPaco:  
Thanks for understanding on the wait, and may I suggest you try a wonderful drink called a "White Russian" when you do turn 21. It is a beautiful mix of vodka, kahlua and cream. Also, keep your phone on you, just incase you do manage to get lost. Glad you liked it! He's actually narrating all of his 'past stories' from his house or wherever he currently is located at before going into the tale. Situational awareness for the win!**

**Oceanmoon:  
I want to thank you so much for your review, it meant a lot to me and RoM. Grammar and punctuation is always taken care of in detail by RoM, so you have him to thank there. The Naru/Hina was hopefully shown a little more here, it's just going to take a little time for him to really notice her and come to terms with himself as far as emotions go. As you can tell from this chapter, he's not exactly great when it comes to women and matters of the heart. Yet again, I want to thank you deeply for this review, and I promise to update as soon as possible!**

**Kyu15:  
Why hello again my friend! Glad you liked it! Trust me, no Series Unfortante Events will befall this fic other than the ones that I intend to inflict upon our poor hero! All questions will have answers, and all answers will come in the form of questions! (Not really, I was just being witty there)  
I actually was able to chug a few on my best friend's "second twenty-first" birthday and like I said, I promise to try and update as soon as possible!**

**Two weeks. I think it's safe to say if I don't update every week, it'll be within a two week timespan.**

**Geology has been proving itself to be quite the saucy wench, so I have to study more than usual. Well, that and my best friend just turned 21, so I have been leaving the house far more.**

**You guys and gals still love me, right?**

**Right?**

**Anyways, I have an "early review" group if anyone wants to be in it. Give me a PM saying you want to join and you'll get my chapters for Drunken Stupor every Wednesday night, half-finished or whatever I have at the time. Think of it as seeing the rough draft prior to the wonderful final draft you catch here on FF. I'll also talk to you one on one if you have questions or comments. I love talkin' to my readers!**

**- Con**

**I'm pretty sure I'm in the "early review" group. Looking forward to hearing new input!**

**-RoM**

"**I don't know why  
But I'll play this game for you  
'Cause I'm guessing it's just what all young lovers do" The Maccabees – About Your Dress**


	14. My Dead Friend

There's someone in my room. It's that feeling you get when you know your being watched while you have your eyes closed. Hairs stand up, like the static in the room is pulling you awake.  
"Who's there?"  
"Nobody, of course."  
"When did you start joking?"  
"Around the same time you stopped thinking. Get up Naruto, we have to talk about something. It's long overdue, but maybe now's the time. Especially since Ino's here."  
Black fades to white. I'm back in the land of the living, the isle of the awake, the something clever of the something clever. Sasuke is leaning forward in the one chair my room has, dusty and unused. More for show than for actual function.  
"Yeah, so what do you want?" I sit up, covering my eyes for a few seconds, bright lights flashing from a headache soon to come in full force. "And try not to be too loud, I had a few last night."  
Sasuke stares at me, almost like he's trying to have my full attention. Like if I miss what he says, it'll be gone forever.

"Naruto, you need to tell them about Sakura and me."  
"Sasu-"  
"About how we keep visiting you. About how we're dead."

* * *

**_Disclaimer: C0n and RoM don't own Naruto._**

**My Dead Friend**

* * *

Chakra is a strange thing. Living energy, a raw material to work with, with its own rules and plenty of ways to cheat said rules. Exceptions no one really knows about. Mixing and matching the elements, heightening your senses, whatever the hell you can think of, chances are there's a way to do it with chakra. As a shinobi, you start to learn at a young age what you can and can't do. What happens when you force chakra out of your hands, focus on it enough. Anything and everything, really.  
But just because it's easy to use doesn't mean things won't become complicated.  
You can close and open chakra pathways with just enough force. You can cause build ups and cause limbs to explode. You can leech it and it can leech from you.  
Think about dying as slow as possible, every fiber of your soul slowly melting.  
There are creatures that are made of chakra. There are constructs and images made from it.  
There are ways to mold it without fully understanding how you're doing it.  
That's what happened to me.

Sasuke died years ago. Around the time the war started. He was sent to hunt a missing-nin and left the village with a two-man team. Standard procedure.  
He died, his teammates were wounded, and the ninja they were hunting was captured. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes things just don't go how you planned them. Knives break, wires snap, swords shatter and every once in a while you just don't act as fast as you should. It's not because you're tired, it's not because you're wounded, things just happen.

And sometimes that can get you killed.

Sasuke was just one of those few.

The official report is fuzzy, much like any report, but he just didn't get out of the way of a trap. A little tripwire rigged up to send two little kunai at him. Not meant to murder, just to set him up for something that would. He swung and he missed.  
Maybe the sun was in his eyes, or he didn't sleep well, or he was thinking about something else.  
Whatever it was, he died because of it.  
The legacy of the Uchiha, ended by something so common that it almost doesn't warrant thinking about.  
Sometimes things just happen.  
He was brought back, covered in a tan sheet like anyone else that was killed and he was processed into the morgue. No fanfare, no hundreds of people wailing in the street. Just gone.  
Cheated doesn't even begin to describe it.  
Full-blown wars with other countries, fights with the Sannin and S-ranked criminals from all over the world, working for one of the most hated men to ever exist, countless fights where I should have killed him just to spare him. . .this.  
All I remember is hearing about his death from some Jonin I had never seen before. A new graduate, the strain on the village already starting to show while peace talks were carried on elsewhere.  
I saw him first. Tsunade-baachan asked me to make sure. He had been my best friend, and with his family gone, I was the one person who could verify that it was in fact Sasuke Uchiha. Age (19), born in Konohagakure, Shinobi rank – Jonin, and last surviving member of the Uchiha clan, carrying no distinguishing marks or tattoos on his body, deceased due to loss of blood from two sharp objects later identified as military grade kunai thrown with enough force to pierce the heart and upper right bicep.

Fill out required paperwork. Request for open casket funeral and burial in Uchiha family plot between his parents. One week's pay removed from my account. Best friend paid for.

It wasn't good enough. No amount of talking from Sakura, Kakashi, or Tsunade baa-chan helped. So I guess I just snapped. And he never really left.

There was a whole doctor's visit. More like an entire hospital staff visit. Everyone tried to clear my mind of whatever hallucination he was. No one could really fix it, but it's not like Kyuubi would let them. Anyone's chakra trying to force Sasuke out of my mind just dispersed or was blocked before it could do anything. So everyone figured it might be better to just go with it.

The night I blacked out and I destroyed what was left of the village, I killed Sakura-chan.

Again, she stuck with me. I think the fox just wanted me to suffer. To see the people I cared for and know that somehow I had let them down. That I wasn't as strong as I thought I could be.  
The actual medical discharge Ino-chan wrote up after I killed myself was "a subconscious desire to see the deceased which was so strong, chakra from the Kyuubi was able to manifest it in some sort of genjutsu-like form."  
Oh yeah, after I killed myself, Ino-chan dove into my mind, talked to them and all that stuff. They told her "they would be leaving". I said "they left".

Yeah, I might have lied.

But it's my best friend. The girl I love. Why should I have to let them go? It's the only thing that stupid fox ever gave me in my life. I know he didn't mean for it and I'm damn sure he didn't want to make me feel better, but just seeing them. . .even if they aren't real. . .it helps.

It was hard for Ino to "fix" the problem by molding my thoughts and trying to block whatever was left of the fox's. He had an entire lifetime to engrave himself into every part of my being and consciousness, I guess some of him just. . .stuck there. And that's why I talk to people that aren't there. I don't know the full medical deal for how I do what I do. . .but maybe it's time to let them know.

Sasuke hasn't been wrong yet.

* * *

"**You know, after a while one lives only through the lives of others, when one's own life has run out."  
- Constancia, Carlos Fuentes**


	15. Restricted Medical Files Page 1

**I don't own Naruto. Neither does RoM.**

* * *

**Patient Naruto Uzumaki.  
Day 1 of therapy  
Dr. Ozu Tanaki's personal notes, for reference to the Hokage, Tsunade.**

**Patient arrived ahead of schedule, was present in my office at 12:10, meeting was set for 12:30.**

**Questions asked (in order):**

_How do you feel?  
_"Fine."  
_Do you know why you were sent here?  
_"Baa-chan (**Hokage**) said I have issues because. . .of what I did."  
_Do you want to talk about anything in particular?  
_". . . .not really. I just want to go to sleep."  
_Has your sleep been irregular lately?  
_**Patient was marked as 'on leave' for the previous week and following two weeks.  
**"I've been sleeping more, actually. I don't feel as awake. Like my energy is gone."  
_Chakra or just overall?  
_"Both."  
**Assumed loss of Kyubbi might have caused strain on Patient's Chakra reserves as well as possible mental turmoil  
**_Naruto, would you like to talk about the incident?  
_"I guess. I don't remember much, but whatever you ask, I'll try to answer."  
(Patient seems listless)  
_On October 23__rd__, you were registered as on patrol for the Konoha Academy for Shinobi, is that correct?  
_"Yeah. It was me and two others, they were on the north side of the school while I guarded the south. It was a playground so it was easy to keep watch with only one person."  
_It says here that four hours into your shift, the Academy was targeted by Sound-nin. The Academy was demolished by the damage and there were only five survivors, one of which was you.  
_"Yes. Me, the two on patrol who were farthest from the explosion, a child that was late to class and a mother of a student that came to pick him up early for a family birthday. His name was Kenji. He was ten."  
(Patient sighs and covers his eyes for a moment)  
_If you want to, we can stop here for today.  
_"It's alright. Let's keep going, I want to get this done with and get back on duty as soon as possible."  
_Alright. It also says here that your old instructor, Iruka Umino, died in the attack.  
_"I actually saw him seconds prior to the attack."  
(Patient coughs and looks away for a moment)  
"I saw the attacking shinobi as well. I was close to the source of the explosion and was knocked unconscious. When I got up. . .I saw Iruka. . ."  
(Patient coughs again and closes eyes)  
_It's alright, you don't need to go into detail about that. What do you remember next?  
_"I remember blacking out again. I remember bits and pieces of things, mostly fire, pain and what I think was the Hokage Tower. I remember trying to talk to the Kyubbi about what was happening but I don't know what was said. The next thing I woke up to was the makeshift hospital."  
**Loss of memory due to possession of the tailed beast, typical of most host carriers when under ****stress as well as possible head trauma from explosion at Konoha Academy.  
**_After you were cleared of any medical problems and sent back to your home, you tried to kill yourself.  
_"I did. I was dead."  
_You came close, Naruto. You're still here, and that's what matters.  
_"Ok."  
**Seems indifferent towards his own death. Possible candidate for high-dose antidepressants and suicide watch.  
**_Naruto, why did you try to kill yourself?  
_"Because I let everyone down. I let my friends die, I killed the girl I love and. . .shit, I'm such a failure that I can't even kill myself right. People were depending on me to do the right things and carry the will of fire. The one guy I looked up to as a father for my entire childhood died in front of me and I couldn't do a damn thing. I let out a demon and killed hundreds of people. I was supposed to protect the village, not break it in half. And all anyone does now is praise me. I killed the Kyubbi, all hail Naruto, savior of Konoha. I'm a joke."  
**Survivor's guilt, Post-Traumatic Stress. More therapy sessions will be required.  
**_No you're not, Naruto. You've been one of the deciding factors in keeping this village safe for. . .well, most of your life. Don't sell yourself short. I know things seems heavy and unbearable, but we all have things happen in our lives that we regret and wish we could avoid. War tends to cause this to some extreme extents. But I promise you, the village still needs you. We know times are hard and we want the best for you, especially your friends and the Hokage.  
_(Patient sighs deeply, covering eyes for a moment then looks up at me)_  
_". . . .Thanks."  
_You're welcome, Naruto. I know today's been tough on you, so we'll call it a day. I'll write you out a prescription for some medication that will help with the pain and sleep issues you told your previous doctors about.  
_**Wrote prescription for Valium, standard dosage, and morphine, low dosage. To be taken together, both before dinner and after breakfast. Patient seems to be hopeful for future sessions. Scheduled every Friday for the next two months (Mandatory Therapy Session Length).**

_**Doctor's Comments:  
**_Having spent this session orientating the patient and getting a medicine regiment administered, the following sessions will be where we see his progression towards eventual reintegration into active duty or honorable discharge due to disability. If he sticks to his medication and does as told to by his assigned doctors and therapy classes, he seems the type to come back from his current state. While I don't know much about him other than what the forms and files I've been given will tell me, he is known to be resilient as long as he is pressed to a certain goal. Future sessions might involve some sort of "mission-like" scenarios and mentality in order to work with his personality. Patient should also be urged to converse with people his current age in order to feel like he belongs. If treated as Pariah/Hero, patient might start to disassociate from society and withdraw entirely from medical help. See documents on the Kazekage's son, the One-Tailed container for reference on "Pariah" result outcome. If next session does not go well, anti-depressants will be administered.

* * *

"**I sometimes wonder about myself.  
Couldn't I just be making this all up as I go along?  
Though I feel alone at times, shouldn't I feel like I belong?" - When You Lose I Lose As Well, Poison the Well**


	16. Restricted Medical Files Page 2

**I don't own Naruto. Neither does RoM.**

* * *

**Patient Naruto Uzumaki.  
Day 2 of therapy  
Dr. Ozu Tanaki's personal notes, for reference to the Hokage, Tsunade.**

**Patient is on time, still listless but it is to be expected: New medication might have induced lack of attention (common with opiates)**

**Questions asked (in order):**

_Naruto, it's good to see you again. How are you feeling since our last visit?_  
"A little better, actually. I can sleep instead of passing out now."  
**Continue Medication**  
_How about your depression? Any change?_  
"No, not really, about the same. Harder to focus now, though. Is that normal? Before, I never had to take medicine. I just. . .got better."  
**Could change medication dosage, lack of medication during his life means he has no resistance. Start lower to keep patient from growing dependent. Possible removal if abused.**  
_We'll work on some new medication. Lower it a little for you, and that'll probably help._  
"Alright."  
_Would you mind if we talk a bit about your past?_  
"Sure thing."  
_You've __completed _ D ranked, _ C ranked, _ B ranked, _ A ranked and _ S ranked missions.  
_**Mission numbers blocked due to confidentiality and security reasons. Numbers are quoted as "high".**_  
That's very impressive._  
"Thank you."  
_Did you ever lose a teammate?_  
"If you have my mission tally, you know that answer."  
-Patient smiles-  
_None._  
"Damn straight."  
_On that subject, would you feel willing to talk about your first team? Team Seven?  
_-Patient's smile fades slightly, he turns his gaze downward and looks at his hands-  
"Sure, I guess."  
_Alright. Just stop me if we get to a point where you don't feel comfortable.  
_"Will do."  
_Your team, during it's formation, was made up of Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, yourself and your assigned Jounin, who was Kakashi Hatake. You excelled in ninjutsu and taijutsu, Sasuke Uchiha was trained in specific by Kakashi Hatake due to his Sharingan and taught the Chidori while Sakura Haruno was more versed in the medical aspects of chakra. During your team's active status, you completed all missions given to you. Five years ago, your teammate, Sasuke Uchiha defected to attempt to kill his brother -  
_"He didn't attempt, he succeeded."  
_- right. You managed to convince him to come back after. . .what appears in your files to have been described as quite the fight.  
_**Patient suffered second and third degree burns, lacerations to all limbs, face, chest and back, concussion, five broken ribs, broken left arm, internal bleeding of the lungs, kidneys, liver and ****brain, two cracked vertebrae, and more notably, a hole seven inches in diameter to his lower left chest. All healed by the Demon Fox before returning to the village.  
**_Upon return, he was put through the interrogation corps to see if he divulged any village secrets, after being cleared he then had a psych evaluation, which he passed and was put on active duty in ANBU. His mission log, while censored heavily, is also flawless. Assassinations, hunting missin-nin and even a few search and rescues._

_Sakura Haruno, during this time, was trained by the Hokage, Tsunade, in the arts of medical ninjutsu. She is marked as excelling, creating various techniques and theories that are currently being __implemented and saving many lives. She was given the job of emergency medic and stationed in the hospital._

_You were given training by the Toad Sannin, Jiraya. You are noted to have learned the Rasengan, are able to summon toad familiars and utilize various sealmaster as well as spymaster techniques. After your training, the Hokage placed you on the village's security detail when the war was in it's beginning stages. Prior to that, you actually requested to be transferred to the Academy. What did you want to do there?  
_-Patient looks back up at me, smile returning-

"I planned on teaching a gennin team. I remember loving the idea of helping the new kids out. Iruka used to say I was great at that back when we had class, from what I've been told, my dad did it, Jiraya did it, Kakashi. . .it just seemed like something everyone did at some point."  
_I vaguely remember you running around the streets, screaming that you were going to be the next Hokage. Well, at least when you were younger.  
_-Patient laughs, I laugh as well-  
"Trust me, it was on my mind. I think I wanted to be Hokage to help the kids out though. I wanted to make sure no one ever got left behind in their studies or be treated different. The more I went into training for the Academy position though, I learned I could be more involved there. I guess teaching was my new goal the closer I got to it. Who knows, right?"  
-Patient chuckles, leaning back in his seat-  
"To be honest, I haven't thought about it since I was on active duty."  
_It seems to make you happy. Naruto, if you were able to, would you rather be a teacher than on patrols or active duty?  
_"Oh fuck no. Sorry- I didn't mean to say that. I just think, for the time being, I can help out more on active duty. Going out there so someone else doesn't have to. Keep the village safe. What's the point in teaching the new generation if they won't be there to learn, you know?"  
_That's very noble of you, Naruto._  
"It's what you sign up for when you decide to be a ninja. 'My skills for the client, my loyalty to the Hokage, my life for Konoha'. "  
**Patient cares deeply for Konoha, despite his own issues.**  
_Alright Naruto, I think we can end here for the day unless you want to talk about anything in particular._  
"I think I'm good for today, doc. Thanks for. . .all of this, really."  
_It's no problem Naruto, really. I just want to see you get better. Like we talked about, I'll get you a lower dosage on your medication, if you have any problems with the new pills, just stop by and I'll fix the prescription for you._  
"Alright, and thanks again"  
**Wrote new prescription for half of original dosage of Valium. Patient's mood has drastically improved and was visible by his voice and attitude during the session.**

_**Doctor's Comments:  
**_The new medication seems to be helping the patient sleep, but he also seems dazed and listless when awake. Narcotics, when introduced to a patient for the first time tend to have this effect, but also come with a risk of addiction. While most physicians would carry on the same dosage until the patient seems dependent, this is a special case; the patient literally has no resistance to drugs. Even alcohol had a lessened effect on the patient when he was still the Kyubbi's container. This could also mean that the patient should have a lowered number of medication in total as a precaution. Overall, however, his demeanor seems to have changed for the better. He genuinely laughed, made jokes and smiled. Sessions seem to have a positive effect. When questioned about his former teammates, patient did not seem to recall previous evaluations after the death of Sasuke Uchiha. This could be due to the recent trauma or the past evaluations having fixed the issue. I will keep note of this. For now, anti-depressants will not be given to the patient, as his mood is picking up.

* * *

**Sorry it was late on the update, but I got Diablo 3. Little preoccupied. That and I just got out of classes for the semester. Couple of parties to go to. I'll be updating a little bit more frequently due to my downtime as far as college goes. Also working on a new story called "One Last Story", which despite it's name, isn't going to be my last story. You'll see what it's about when I eventually get around to finishing the first chapter. I also have a Twitter as well as a Blog now just for my stories so if you guys wanna know what's up with me and see little parts of the new chapters before they're up, give me a PM and I'll tell you where to look. Anyways, love you guys/gals, and thanks for reading.**

"**True loneliness, I learned that day, isn't the lack of others. It's the lack of others quickly." - The Repossession Mambo, Eric Garcia**


	17. Restricted Medical Files Page 3

**Con and Rom don't own Naruto.**

* * *

**Patient Naruto Uzumaki.  
Day 3 of therapy  
Dr. Ozu Tanaki's personal notes, for reference to the Hokage, Tsunade.**

**Patient is on time, arrived ten minutes early. Patient seems less lethargic, most likely due to lowered amount of drugs. Patient is also noticeably less depressed. Marked as smiling on arrival, excited attitude and almost happy.**

**Questions asked (in order):**

_Good afternoon Naruto, how are you feeling today?  
_"For the first time in a long time, I can actually say happy. I can sleep again, my pain's almost gone and I'm going outside to talk to my friends more! Well, the ones on leave, but still, it's something, right?"  
-Patient smirks-  
_Good Naruto, good, I'm glad to hear it. So the new medication has been helping? You've been taking the amounts I told you to?  
_"Yep, almost out of my first bottle but I don't think I'll need anymore after this week."  
**If Patient is still progressing, stopping current med****ication.  
**_Good, just what I wanted to hear. So what have you been doing other than being with your friends? Any hobbies?__  
_"Well, I used to drink, but with that medication you gave me I'm not supposed to. I still garden, I've been learning how to cook food other than ramen like Sakura-chan wanted me to, I talk to Hinata-chan about medical stuff, mostly just to have something to talk about. Uhh. . .I've been going back on my training, practicing my ninjutsu, my taijustsu, seeing how much I can do before it's too much. Just getting prepared for my evaluations."  
**Hokage requested combat evaluations for all active-duty ninja after being put on leave. Patient, while medicated, has been told he can train, dosage being low enough as not to interfere noticeably. Trainin****g seems to calm the patient, distract him. Mentioned "Sakura-chan" (Sakura Haruno, ex-girlfriend, died in Konoha Hospital when patient released Kyuubi, likely reason for attempted suicide), didn't seem to dwell on her. Shows promising improvement in mental**** state.****  
**_Sounds like you've been quite the busy person, Naruto.__Do you want to talk about anything in particular today?  
_"Well, it's kind of stupid, but whatever, so are a lot of the things I talk about!"  
-Patient laughs-  
"Anyways, I've been wanting to ask you, just 'cause I'm curious, really. Have you always been a doctor? You kinda seem more like a few medic-nin I've worked with."  
_It's funny you should say that, I am actually registered as a medic-nin for Konoha. I requested to be your doctor when I heard y__ou were going to be up for review. Always heard about you, wanted to see the little orange ball of energy I was told of.__  
_"Sorry I let you down doc, kinda what I do."  
-Patient smiles-  
_Trust me, you didn't disappoint. I'm actually glad you haven't painted th__e front of my office red or something of that nature.  
_-Patient laughs, wiping eye-  
"Hey, we still got another month before I'm on active-duty again if I pass my eval. Who knows, I'll find some way to get ya!"  
-We both laugh-  
**Patient seems to have set goals**** on making others laugh and finding ways of preoccupying himself in order to either forget his problems or actual progression into getting better. More time will be required in order to know which.****  
**-Patient looks at the ground for a moment then back at me-**  
**"I will say this however. . . .it is weird not drinking."  
_Is it causing you problems?_  
"No, not at all. It's just weird. I used to do it every day back when Sasuke was on leave from missions and Sakura-chan came home for the night after rounds were over. It was the only time I ever really got to talk to them. And even after what happened with Sasuke, I still went out regularly with Sakura-chan or some other friends and we just talked. It was the one time everyone got together. Now I don't have a reason to be there anymore.

It's weird because it was such a habit for me. And now it's gone."

_You can always find a new habit. A healthier one._

"That's my point though, isn't it? It's not a habit yet."

-Patient smirks-  
_You'll find something, I know it. But it __does sound like__ you've progressed very far in a short amount of time. I expected nothing less from the great Naruto Uzumaki._  
"Well thank you, good sir."  
-Patient mock bows-  
_I'll write you a smaller amount of your usual medication, that way if thin__gs __return__ to normal by__ the time __evaluations __begin __you can just stop entirely and we'll see how it goes. Until our next meeting, I'd say keep doing what you're doing and you'll be back to normal in __no time and back on active-duty__ Naruto.__  
_"You don't know how awesome it is to hear that, doc. Thank you! I'll see you the same time next week, right?"  
_Of course. Have a good week, Naruto.  
_"You too!"  
**Wrote a week's worth of current dosage Valium for patient. High probability this will be the last time he is issued medication. Refer to earlier notes to see how progression of medicine has changed in treatment, use as future starting point for any new medication when patient is assigned a standard doctor.**

_**Doctor's Comments:**__**  
**_Patient is far more optimistic than previous sessions and is on less medication. In my years as a doctor, this is a marked difference than most, but then again, I have never worked with such a unique individual. His circumstances are far different than what I am usually sent to help with, and there are very few recorded notes on medical procedures, let alone mental records on a container for a tailed demon. If it's possible, I'd like to request any or all notes that the current Kazekage has (previous container for the One-Tailed demon), in hopes that it show me what techniques were used and which helped. Alcohol use might become an issue once medication is removed, but he has no history of abuse or interference with performance on missions. This might cause him mental problems however, and should be watched. With time, things have gone nicely, and pending the results of his evaluation, I can honestly say that he will be able to return to active duty. Naruto is getting better.

* * *

**"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." - Hunter S. Thompson**


	18. Restricted Medical Files Page 4

**Con and Rom don't own Naruto.**

* * *

**Patient Naruto Uzumaki.  
Day 4 of therapy  
Dr. Ozu Tanaki's personal notes, for reference to the Hokage, Tsunade.**

**Patient was ten minutes late, but this was acceptable: Patient spent the last two days in evaluations with the Hokage. Patient passed evaluation and pending release from his mandatory therapy, will be put back on active-duty. Patient's mood is noted as drastically different than when admitted. He was smiling when he came into my office.**

**Questions asked (in order):**

_Naruto, I'm glad to see you. I hear congratulations are in order.  
_"Thanks Ozu! I mean Doc! Sorry, I'm just so damn happy!"  
_-laughter- It's fine Naruto, you can call me Ozu if you want. It's been a while since anyone's called me that instead of 'Doctor Tanaki'. So, aside from the obvious, how are you feeling?  
_"Perfect. I passed my evaluations, I've been spending more time with my friends, there's a girl I used to see that I've been talking to again, I'm almost back to my standard body weight and muscle mass. Everything has been perfect!"  
_Good, glad to hear it. Medication-wise, how are you doing?  
_"Don't need the pills anymore. I ran out last week, and I haven't felt any worse! It's still weird having to work with less chakra, but my control is better than ever now. Without the Kyuubi's chakra leaking into my own, I have full control of it. And due to having him living inside me for so long, I guess my reserves were increased so I still have a _far_ larger than average mark there."  
**Patient will no longer need medication. Combat effectiveness, other than what's stated on the evaluations, is not likely to be altered due to mental issues.  
**_Wonderful. Now, like I mentioned a while ago, especially now that you're feeling better and you no longer need medication. . .are you sure you want to return to active-duty given the choice between that, retirement and reassignment to the new Academy?  
_"I've actually been thinking about it, especially since I passed yesterday. I had a drink with a few of the friends- first I've had in a while, mind you, and I didn't have more than two beers- and I think I'd still like to be on active-duty. Lets me feel like I'm contributing more and I could always go to teaching after the war's over anyways."  
_Alright, sounds like you've thought this through for a while, but remember, you still have one more month before you're able to be put back into the military system.  
_"Hey, another month of this and talking to you? I'll be back to the old Naruto in no time!"

**Requisition of clerical forms. I was originally told that Naruto would be informed by the Hokage herself about my reassignment.**

_. . . .Actually, Naruto, there's a little bit of a problem there. I've been called back to active-duty myself. I have to report to the front within the following week. The Hokage was supposed to tell you._

"Oh."  
-Patient's smile fades-  
"Any reason why Baa-chan's sending you there?"  
_Due to the lack of medical personnel trained in my specific field and the large demand__ for active ninja, the Hokage feels it would be more efficient to have me closer to the people I can help so they can go back to fighting faster as well as have someone to talk to on a regular basis. I wouldn't even be getting __called to the front if we had__ anyone else with my experience. But, as an old bag of dust, I'm one of a select few.__  
_-Patient smirks-  
". . .So what do I do now?"  
_You'll still be coming to my office, as I'm allowing the resident on-call psychologist to take over for me. I made sure that __she was qualified, and she actually knows you, which might make the transition easier.__  
_-Patient looks surprised but optimistic-  
"Oh? Who is it?"  
_Ino Yamanaka. She's actually very skilled for her age, but you must know that. It says you two were on a few mi__ssions together and graduated at the same time.__  
_"Ino-chan? Of course. I forgot she worked with the medical staff a lot. I guess it just slipped my mind."  
-Patient is indifferent-  
_Do you two get along?_  
"Huh? Oh yeah- sorry, I was just thinking about something else!"  
-Patient laughs-  
"Yeah! I get along with Ino-chan fine! Besides, if you're vouching for her, she has to be good at this stuff!"  
_Heh, alright. Well. . .it's that time. Since you told me you're doing fine without the medication, there's no need to send for any or any prescriptions. . .and Naruto, before we end for today, I just wanted to say, on a personal note. . .I'm really glad I was able to meet you. You were everything I was told you would be. And while I would enjoy talking with you at any time, I hope when you're back on active-duty, I don't see you again. Understand?  
_-Patient laughs again, standing up-  
"I understand."  
_Good. It's been a pleasure, Naruto Uzumaki.__  
_"Same here, Ozu!  
-Patient refuses handshake. Patient hugs me-

_**Doctor's Comments:**_  
After a few sessions with the patient, he has shown significant signs of recovery. Medication has been stopped, depression has been reduced and in my opinion, if led on a similar path of therapy with the same physician, has a high probability of returning to duty and even normalcy. I, however, have been reassigned to the front line medical corps due to a lack of competent doctors, especially in the fields of PTSD. Patient Naruto Uzumaki was referred to the emergency medical staff's last psychologist in Konoha while I am on reassignment. When I spoke with the patient and told him about these events, he seemed apprehensive. Requests to stay have been denied. I now leave my patient, Naruto Uzumaki, in the hands of Ino Yamanaka.

Permission to return as patient's doctor upon arrival back in Konoha after reassignment is pending.

I hope you get better Naruto.

* * *

**Hope you guys didn't mind the wait. To the people "confused" about Drunken Stupor and where it's going/why it jumps around, think of it as something akin to a Quentin Tarantino film; some parts aren't in chronological order. You're going to need to wait for some parts in order for other parts to make sense. I decided a long time ago when I started this, it was mostly to try out writing styles and formatting. If you like it, I'm glad you've decided to stay with it for this long, if not, hey, thanks for checking it out anyways. If you want more of a steady time line, I'm working on a new fic as well as continuing this. I plan to have the next update come out at the same time as the ****first chapter of the new story. I'd give you a heads up on what it's about, but that'd ruin things, and where's the fun in that, right?**

**-Con**

"**I asked him about our work but when I persisted he muttered something like 'What difference does it make? They're dead anyway, right? Or not-alive, however you want to look at it.' " - House of Leaves, Mark Danieleski**


	19. Interruption

**Constantine and RoM don't own Naruto. Constantine does own his character Kai, however.**

**Interruption**

* * *

He could see them walking in the forest, kunai and swords drawn. They were scouts. Their back up wouldn't be able to make it in time. They probably wouldn't even know their friends were dead until whatever deadline they had set for meeting up had passed. The. . .two. . .eight. . .twelve men scouring the area were all he had to deal with at the time. From the tree tops he had the advantage of sight: He knew where they were, how far they were spaced apart and which directions they were going. The ever-present mist would cover him from their view. It would also hide the bodies. His machete slid out of his coat's sleeve slowly, his eyes closing. This was his job. Guardian of the Hidden Mist.

Air, whizzing past his face and ears, a whistle. Other than that, all he heard was the chirps of birds and the sound of air. His legs bent as he landed on the ground, the sound of his fall cushioned by the moss he aimed for. Living in a land covered with water and permanently blinded by fog helped him with his approach to silent killing. It was the 'home field advantage' his people had. His eyes remained closed - black covering everything. His machete in hand, he crept down low along the forest floor, knowing the mist concealed him. Protected him. He could make out the feeling of something a few feet to his right, chakra faintly emanating from it.. His right arm raised slowly, crossing over his left shoulder on reflex, his mind slipping back into his early days at the academy.  
"Don't think, just react." The mantra his teacher had beat into him. Figuratively and literally.  
In one swift swing, his arm moved through the air, left to right, the back of his blade silently cutting into the mist. Water dropping. Liquid pouring. Thud.  
A second thud.  
And with that, he carried on towards his left, machete lowered as he moved.  
His coat scraped over something in the dirt, an object that wasn't there before. Covered in water. Blood. The smell was thick in the mist to him. He hated cleaning his clothes, but with his favorite weapon being so short, it was a regular occurrence.  
'Don't think.'  
His mind cleared, the sound of tree leaves rustling in the wind coming from everywhere. The forest, while thick, was no where near as overgrown as Konoha's had been. The animals in Kiri often kept quiet, adapting, like the people, to the protection of the mist. Crickets and toads chirped and groaned, telling him he was getting closer to the edge of the forest.  
His machete dove forward, upward, his left hand following and covering whatever was a few inches above his machete. His body followed through, pushing what was in front of him to the ground, the leaves covering the thump it would have made. He felt a mouth. Wet with spit and something thicker. Stickier. Air caressed the back of his hand, warm and faint. The second wave of air lessened. Then it stopped. Calmly, he dipped his hand into the water next to him, whatever was covering it washing away.  
'Don't think. Just react.'  
And he did just that.

"That's what happened, sir."  
". . .twelve scouts, three of which were hunter-nin from Oto?" He wasn't looking directly at his commanding officer. He knew the difference between a scout and a hunter. Hunter-nin carried acids, scalpels, flammable liquids. They had to dispose of the corpses somehow.  
"Yes sir."  
"Impressive. Then again, with your record, this is almost par the course. Where are the bodies?" Always questioning, always asking, double checking, triple checking, being watched, being told what to do. That's what life had become for them now.  
"In the forest, sir. I've marked the grids on the map I handed in with my full written recounting of what I have just told you, sir."  
"Good."  
". . .there's going to be more."  
"There always is."  
"And they'll end up the same way. . .sir."  
"They always do. You can leave."  
He bowed slowly.  
"Thank you."  
"Happy hunting, Kai."

His life was about habit. Missions, waiting, hunting, practicing, traveling.  
Repeat.  
Get sent here, go back there, find this, kill that.  
Repeat.  
Lose your family.

Repeat.

Lose your friends.

Repeat.

The only thing he had left was his village. Two friends and his village. One friend was the Mizukage. Another was his partner before the war when he used to work in the Hunter-nin detail. Kai's family had a long line of hunter-nin, going as far back as the beginning of the village, and before that, all the stories of his ancestors were archers, hunting for game. The Hayashi clan. Built on the bodies of the dead. It didn't bother him much, but it did mean he had to excel at the position. And he did. He knew his record, kept in a little safe, hidden somewhere in the Mizukage's office with about twenty others like him, was scribbled on with line after line of text detailing his life from acceptance into the academy to what he had just done two hours ago. And most of it involved the words 'death', 'casualty', and his personal favorite 'recommended psychiatric evaluation.'  
But that last one didn't matter much anymore.  
After the war started, Kiri village stopped worrying about a ninja's 'mental state' and more about 'active status' on those little collections of paper. Those folders.  
He wanted to be one of those normal people that got to sit at a desk and write in the folders. That got to judge the people sent to them after missions. Mark that box that said 'recommended psychiatric evaluation.'  
Someone like him wouldn't be able to get that job.  
They'd kindly tell him that he was too qualified or the position was filled or it needed someone with different experience in the field. Like marking boxes and writing was hard or something.  
Squiggly lines and X's.  
He knew that if this war ever ended, he'd be let go. Not let go in the sense that he's stuck or captive in his job, just let go in the meaning of 'you're fucking crazy and we don't want damaged goods anymore.' They'd fire him.  
And he'd be that guy who got weird looks from passers-by on the street. And he'd have nightmares- dreams, really, wonderful dreams – of the missions he used to be sent on. And maybe he'd have a wife and a kid. And then his kid could join the Academy. And then he'd ask Kai what he did when he was in the Academy.  
And he'd tell him what he did in the Academy.  
And then his kid would have dreams- nightmares, really – of the things his dad told him he did for the village.  
And then he'd go to sleep. Or die of old age. Or whatever.  
It was boring thinking about the future.

* * *

**Been a while. Thought you deserved an update.  
****Excuses: College, LoL, General Procrastination, Lack of Interest, Writer's Block.  
****For the time being, I have a few ideas as to where this fic is going, so hopefully that'll keep me writing.  
****Also planning a new fic to keep me from getting rusty on my writing, so keep your eyes open for that.  
****As usual, if you have any questions about the chapter or the story as a whole, just give me a PM and I'd love to explain what/why I decided to write a chapter like I did. Think of it as a Q&A opportunity.  
****Don't worry, by the way- Drunken Stupor is far from dead or even inactive. And with that, I'd love to thank you guys for reading and to all my returning readers, I appreciate you sticking with me through the long delays.  
****-Con**

**Honestly, I would have pushed him to write more, but I was busy and pretty forgetful too. Sorry guys and gals.  
****Hopefully, you'll see a lot more from us, or rather Con soon.  
****-RoM-**

"**Hello, Goodbye, I'm rather crazy  
****And I never thought I was crazy  
****But what do I know?  
****I let myself go." - Honey Bee – Steam Powered Giraffe**


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